If Jared Was Taken
by jaredhowe'sgirl
Summary: Reversed. What if Melanie wasn't taken? What if it was Jared instead? Jelanie and O'Wanda Will the soul take over or will Jared fight for his body back? And when they get to the cave, will Jared finally know what happened after he was taken?
1. Prologue

Prologue: Inserted

The Healer's name was Fords Deep Waters.

Because he was a soul, by nature he was all things good: compassionate, patient, honest, virtuous, and full of love. Anxiety was an unusual emotion for Fords Deep Water. Irritation was even rarer. However, because Fords Deep Water lived inside a human body, irritation was sometimes inescapable. As the whispers of the Healing students buzzed in the far corner of the operation room, his lips pressed together into a tight line. The expression felt out of place on a mouth more often given to smiling. Darren, his regular assistant, saw the grimace and patted his shoulder.

"They're just curious, Fords," he said quietly.

"An insertion is hardly an interesting or challenging procedure."

"Any soul on the street could perform it in an emergency. There is nothing for them to learn by observing today." Fords was surprised to hear the sharp edge marring his normally soothing voice.

"They've never seen a grown human before," Darren said.

Fords raised one eyebrow. "Are they blind to each other's faces? Do they not have mirrors?"

"You know what I mean – a wild human. Still soulless. One of the insurgents."

Fords looked at the boy's unconscious body, laid out face down on the operating table. Pity swelled in his heart as he remembered the condition the poor, broken body had been in when the Seekers had brought him to the Healing facility. Such pain he'd endured… Of course he was perfect now – completely healed. Fords had seen to that.

"He looks the same as any of us," Fords murmured to Darren. "We all have human faces. And when he wakes up, he will be one of us, too."

"It's just exiting for them, that's all."

"The soul we implant today deserves more respect than to have his host body gawked at this way. He'll already have far too much to deal with as he acclimates."

"It's not fair to put him through this." By _this,_ he did not mean the gawking. Fords heard the sharp edge return to his voice.

Darren patted him again. "It will be fine. The Seekers needs information and-"

At the word _Seeker_, Fords gave Darren a look that could only be described as a glare. Darren blinked in shock.

"I'm sorry," Fords apologized at once. "I didn't mean to react so negatively. It's just that I fear for this soul."

His eyes moved to the cryotank on its stand beside the table. The light was a steady, dull read, indicating that it was occupied and in hibernation mode.

"This soul was specially picked for the assignment," Darren said soothingly.

"He is exceptional among our kind – braver than most. His lives speak for themselves. I think he would volunteer, if it was possible to ask him."

"Who among us would not volunteer if we were asked to do something for the greater good? But is that really the case here? Is the greater good served by this?"

"The question is not his willingness, but what it is right to ask any soul to bear."

The Healing students were discussing the hibernating soul as well. Fords could hear the whispers clearly: their voices was rising now, getting louder with their excitement.

"He's lived on six planets."

"I heard seven."

"I heard he never lived two terms as the same host species."

"Is that possible?"

"He's been almost everything. A Flower, a Bear, a Spider-"

"A See Weed, a Bat-"

"Even a Dragon!"

"I don't believe it – not seven planets."

"At least seven. He started at the Orgin."

"Really? The Orgin?"

"Quiet, please!" Fords interrupted. "If you cannot observe professionally and silently, then I will have to ask you to remove yourselves."

Abashed, the six students fell silent and edged away from another.

"Let's go on with this, Darren."

Everything was prepared. The appropriate medicines were laid out beside them. The human boy. His short brown streaked sun-bleached golden hair was secured beneath a surgical cap, exposing his slender neck that had an oddly scar across, looking as if he had already been inserted but wasn't. Deeply sedated, he breathed slowly in and out. His light tan-ish brown skin had barely a mark to show for his… accident.

"Begin the sequence now, please, Darren."

The grey-haired assistant was already waiting beside the cryotank, his hand resting on the dial. He flipped the safety back and spun down the dial. The red light atop the small grey cylinder began to pulse, flashing faster as the seconds passed, changing colour.

Fords concentrated on the unconscious body: he edged the scalpel through the skin at the base of the subject's skull with small, precise movements, and then sprayed the medication that stilled the excess flow of blood before he widened the fissure. Fords delved delicately beneath the neck muscles, careful not to injure them, exposing the pale bones at the top of the spinal column.

"The soul is ready, Fords," Darren informed him.

"So am I. Bring him."

Fords felt Darren at his elbow and knew without looking that his assistant would be prepared, his hand stretched out and waiting; they had worked together for many years now. Fords held the gap open.

"Send him home," he whispered.

Darren's hand moved into view, the silver gleam of an awaking soul in his palm.

Fords never saw an exposed soul without being struck by the beauty of it.

The soul shone in the brilliant lights of the operating room, brighter than the reflective silver instrument in his hand. Like a living ribbon, she twisted and rippled, stretching, happy to be free of the cryotank. His thin, feathery attachments, nearly a thousand of them, billowed softly like pale silver hair. Though they were all lovely, this one seemed particularly graceful to Fords Deep Waters.

He was not alone in his reaction. He heard Darren's soft sigh, heard the admiring murmurs of the students.

Gently, Darren placed the small glistening creature inside the opening Fords had made in the human's neck. The soul slid smoothly into the offered space, weaving him into the alien anatomy.

Fords admired the skill with which he possessed his new home.

Her attachments wound tightly into place around the nerve centres, some elongating and reaching deeper to where he couldn't see, under and up into the brain, the optic nerves, the ear canals. He was very quick, very firm in her movements. Soon, only one small segment of his glistening body was visible.

"Well done," he whispered to him, knowing that he could not hear him. The human boy was the one with ears, and he slept soundly.

It was a routine matter to finish the job. He cleaned and healed the wound, applied the salve that sealed the incision closed behind the soul, and then brushed the scar-softening powder across the line left on his neck.

"Perfect, as usual," said the assistant, who, for some reason unfathomable to Fords, had never made a change from his human host's name, Darren.

Fords sighted. "I regret this day's work."

"You're only doing your duty as a Healer."

"This is the rare occasion when Healing creates an injury."

Darren began to clean up the workstation. He didn't seem to know how to answer.

Fords was filling his Calling. That was enough for Darren.

But not enough for Fords Deep Waters, who was a true Healer to the core of his being. He gazed anxiously at the human boy's body, peaceful in slumber, knowing that this peace would be shattered as soon as he awoke. All the horror of this young boy's end would be borne by the innocent soul he'd just placed inside him.

As he leaned over the human and whispered in his ear, Fords wished fervently that the soul inside could hear him now.

"Good luck, Quintessence In The World, good luck. How I wish you didn't need it."


	2. Remembered

**Author's Note: Anyways, I've been thinking, I really don't like the name I gave the soul that is taking over Jared so I'm changing it to Quintessence To The World. I hope everyone understands that Stake In A Nightmare was not a suitable name that would be in the Host.**

Disclaimer: Everything about the host belongs to Stephenie Meyer. She's a brilliant writer!

CHAPTER 1: Remembered

I knew it would begin with the end, and the end would look like death to these eyes. I had been warned.

Not these eyes. My eyes. Mine. This was me now.

The language I had found myself using was odd, but it made sense.

Choppy, boxy, blind, and linear. Impossibly crippled in comparison to many I had used, yet still it managed to find fluidity and expression.

Sometimes beauty. My language now. My native tongue.

With the truest instinct of my kind, I'd bound myself securely into the body's center of thought, twined myself inescapably into its every breath and reflex until it was no longer a separate entity. It was me.

Not the body, my body.

I felt the sedation wearing off and lucidity taking its place.

I braced myself for the onslaught of the first memory, which would really be the last memory – the last moments this body had experienced, the memory of the end.

I had been warned thoroughly of what would happen now. These human emotions would be stronger, more vital than the feelings of any other species I had been. I tried to prepare myself.

The memory came. And, as I'd been warned, it was not something that could ever be prepared for.

It seared with sharp color and ringing sound. Cold on his skin, pain gripping his limbs, burning them. The taste was fiercely metallic in his mouth.

And there was the new sense, the fifth sense I'd never had, that took the particles from the air and transformed them into strange messages and pleasures and warnings in his brain – scents. They were distracting, confusing to me, but not to his memory. The memory had no time for the novelties of smell. The memory was only fear.

Fear locked him in a vise, goading the blunt, clumsy limbs forward but hampering them at the same time. To flee, to run – it was all he could do.

I've failed.

The memory that was not mine was so frighteningly strong and clear that it sliced through my control – overwhelmed the detachment, the knowledge that this was just a memory and not me.

Sucked into the hell that was the last minute of his life, I was him, and we were running.

It's so dark. I can't see. I can't see the floor. I can't see my hands stretched out in front of me. I run blind and try to hear the pursuit I can feel behind me, but the pulse is so loud behind my ears it drowns everything else out.

It's cold. It shouldn't matter now, but it hurts. I'm so cold.

The air in his nose was uncomfortable. Bad. A bad smell. For one second, that discomfort pulled me free of the memory. But it was only a second, and then I was dragged in again, and my eyes filled with horrified tears.

I'm lost, we're lost. It's over.

They're right behind me now, loud and close. There are so many footsteps! I am alone. I've failed.

The Seekers are calling. The sound of their voices twists my stomach. I'm going to be sick.

"It's fine, it's fine," one lies, trying to calm me, to slow me. His voice is disturbed by the effort of his breathing.

"Be careful!" another shouts in warning.

"Don't hurt yourself," one of them pleads. A deep voice, full of concern. Concern! Yeah, right!

Heat shot trough my veins, and a violent hatred nearly choked me.

I had never felt such an emotion as this in all my lives. For another second, my revulsion pulled me away from the memory. A high, shrill keening pierced my ears and pulsed in my head. The sound scraped through my airways. There was a weak pain in my throat.

_**Screaming**_, my body explained. _**You're screaming.**_

I froze in shock, and the sound broke off abruptly.

This was not a memory.

My body – he was thinking! Speaking to me!

But the memory was stronger, in that moment, than my astonishment.

"Please," they cry. "There is danger ahead."

_**The danger is behind!**_ I scream back in my mind. But I see what they mean.

A feeble stream of light, coming from who knows where, shines on the end of the hall.

It is not the flat wall or the locked door, the dead end I feared and expected. It is a black hole. An elevator shaft. Abandoned, empty, and condemned, like this building.

Once a hiding place, now a tomb.

A surge of relief floods through me as I raced forward. There is a way. No way to survive, but perhaps a way to win. He zooms across to the dead end, scratches and burns on his body were burning.

No, no, no! This thought was all mine, and I fought to pull myself away from him, but we were together. And we sprinted from the edge of death.

"Please!" The shouts are more desperate.

I feel like laughing when I know that I am fast enough. I imagine their hands clutching for me just inches behind my back. But I am as fast as I need to be.

I don't even pause at the end of the floor. The hole rises up to meet me midstride.

The emptiness swallows me. My legs flail, useless. My hands grip the air, claw through it, searching for anything solid. Cold blows past me like tornado winds.

I hear the thud before I feel it... The air is gone...

And then pain is everywhere... Pain is everything.

Make it stop.

Not high enough, I whisper to myself through the pain.

When will the pain end? When...?

The blackness swallowed up the agony, and I was weak with gratitude that the memory had come to this most final of conclusions. The blackness took all, and I was free.

I took a breath to steady myself, as was this body's habit. My body.

But then the color rushed back, the memory reared up and engulfed me again.

No! I panicked, fearing the cold and the pain and the very fear itself.

But this was not the same memory. This was a memory within a memory – a final memory, like a last gasp of air – yet, somehow, even stronger than the first.

The blackness took all but this: a face.

The face was as alien to me as the faceless serpentine tentacles of my last host body would be to this new body. I'd seen this kind of face in the images I had been given to prepare for this world. It was hard to tell them apart, to see the tiny variations in color and shape that was the only markers of the individual. So much the same, all of them.

Noses centered in the middle of the sphere, eyes above and mouths below, ears around the sides. A collection of senses, all but touch, concentrated in one place. Skin over bones, hair growing on the crown and in strange furry lines above the eyes.

Some had more fur lower down on the jaw: those were always males. The colors ranged through the brown scale from pale cream to a deep almost-black.

Aside from that, how to know one from the other?

This face I would of known among millions.

This face was heart shaped but fragile. In color it was sunlight-brown. The hair was shiny dark that goes down to her shoulders, it covered only the head and the odd fur stripes above the eyes. The circular irises in the white eyeballs were darker than the hair but, were almond-shaped eyes. The colour of her eyes were described as muddy hazel. There were small lines around the eyes, and his memories told me the lines was from smiling and squinting into the sunlight. I knew nothing of what passed for beauty among these strangers, and yet I knew that this face was beautiful. I wanted to keep looking at it. As soon as I realized this, it disappeared.

_**Mine**_, spoke the alien thought that should not have existed.

Again, I was frozen, stunned. There should have been no one here but me.

And yet this thought was so strong and so aware!

Impossible. How was he still here? This was me now.

Mine, I rebuked him, the power and authority that belonged to me alone flowing through the word. Everything is mine.

So why am I talking back to him? I wondered as the voices interrupted my thoughts.


	3. Overheard

**Thank you for those who reviewed and followed, I was actually gonna give up since a friend of mine said that my first two chapters were crap.**

Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, if I was I would not be writing this and I would already have Jared's version printed and published.

Chapter 2: Overheard

The voices were soft and close and, though I was only now aware of them, apparently in the middle of a murmured conversation.

"I'm afraid it's too much for him," one said. The voice was soft but deep, male. "Too much for anyone. Such violence!" The tone spoke of revulsion.

"He had screamed only once," said a higher, reedy, female voice, pointing this out with a hint of glee, as if she were winning an argument.

"I know," the man admitted. "He is very strong. Stronger than I thought. Others have had much more trauma, with much less cause."

"I'm sure he'll be fine, just as I told you."

"Maybe you missed your Calling." There was an edge to the man's voice. Sarcasm, my memory named it. "Perhaps you were meant to be a Healer, like me."

The woman made a sound of amusement. Laughter. "I doubt that. We Seekers prefer a different sort of diagnosis."

My body knew this word, this title:Seeker. It sent a shudder of fear down my spine. A leftover reaction. Of course I had no reason to fear seekers.

"I sometimes wonder if the infection of humanity touches those in your profession," the man mused, his voice still sour with annoyance. "Violence is part of your life choice. Does enough of your body's native temperament linger to give you enjoyment of the horror?"

I was surprised at his accusation, at his tone. The discussion was almost like… an argument. Something my host was familiar with but that I'd never experienced.

The woman was defensive. "We do not choose violence. We face it when we must. And it's a good thing for the rest of you that some of us are strong enough for the unpleasantness. Your peace would be shattered without our work."

"Once upon a time. Your vocation will soon be obsolete, I think."

"The error of that statement lies on the bed there."

"One human boy, alone and unarmed! Yes, quite a threat to our peace."

The woman breathed out heavily. A sigh. "But where did he come from? How did he appear in the middle of Chicago, a city long since civilized, hundreds of miles from any trace of rebel activity? Did he manage it alone?"

She listed the questions without seeming to seek an answer, as if she had already voiced them many times.

"That's your problem, not mine," the man said. "My job is to help this soul adapt himself to his new host without unnecessary pain or trauma. And you are here to interfere with my job."

Still slowly surfacing, acclimatizing myself to this new world of senses, I understood only now that I was the subject of the conversation. I was the soul they spoke of. It was a new connotation to the word, a word that had meant many other things to my host. On every planet we took a different . I suppose it was an apt description. The unseen force that guides the body.

"The answers to my questions matter as much as your responsibilities to the soul."

"That's debatable."

There was the sound of movement, and her voice was suddenly a whisper. "When will he become responsive? The sedation must be about to wear off."

"When he's ready. Leave him be. He deserves to handle the situation however he finds most comfortable. Imagine the shock of his awakening—inside a rebel host injured to the point of death in the escape attempt! No one should have to endure such trauma in times of peace!" His voice rose with the increase of emotion.

"He is strong." The woman's tone was reassuring now. "See how well he did with the first memory, the worst memory. Whatever he expected, he handled this."

"Why should he have to?" the man muttered, but he didn't seem to expect an answer.

The women answered anyway. "If we're to get the answers we need-"

"Need being your word. I would choose the term want. "

"Then someone must take on the unpleasantness," she continued as if he had not interrupted. "And I think, from all I know of this one, he would accept the challenge if there had been any way to ask him. What do you call him?"

The man didn't speak for a long moment. The woman waited.

"Quintessence," he finally and unwillingly answered.

"Hmm, it may suit him," she said, cocking her head. "I don't have any official statistics, but he has to be one of the very few, if not the only one, who has wandered so far. Yes, Quintessence will suit him well until he chooses a new name for himself."

He said nothing.

"Of course, he may assume the host's name.… We found no matches on record for the fingerprints or retinal scan. I can't tell you what that name was."

"He won't take the human name," the man muttered.

Her response was conciliatory. "Everyone finds comfort their own way."

"This Quintessence will need more comfort than most, thanks to your style of Seeking."

There were sharp sounds—footsteps, staccato against a hard floor. When she spoke again, the woman's voice was across the room from the man.

"You would have reacted poorly to the early days of this occupation," she said.

"Perhaps you react poorly to peace."

The woman laughed, but the sound was false—there was no real amusement. My mind seemed well adapted to inferring the true meanings from tones and inflections.

"You do not have a clear perception of what my Calling entails. Long hours hunched over files and maps. Mostly desk work. Not very often the conflict or violence you seem to think it is."

"Ten days ago you were armed with killing weapons, running this body down."

"The exception, I assure you, not the rule. Do not forget, the weapons that disgust you are turned on our kind wherever we Seekers have not been vigilant enough. The humans kill us happily whenever they have the ability to do so. Those whose lives have been touched by the hostility see us as heroes."

"You speak as if a war were raging."

"To the remains of the human race, one is."

These words were strong in my ears. My body reacted to them; I felt my breathing speed, heard the sound of my heart pumping louder than usual. Beside the bed I lay on, a machine registered the increases with a muted beeping. The Healer and the Seeker were too involved in their conversation to notice.

"But one that even they must realize is long lost. They are outnumbered by what? A million to one? I imagine you would know."

"We estimate the odds are quite a bit higher in our favor," she admitted grudgingly.

The Healer appeared to be content to let his side of the disagreement rest with that information. It was quiet for a moment.

I used the empty time to evaluate my situation. Much was obvious.

I was in a Healing facility, recovering from an unusually traumatic insertion. I was sure the body that hosted me had been fully healed before it was given to me. A damaged host would have been disposed of.

I considered the conflicting opinions of the Healer and the Seeker. According to the information I had been given before making the choice to come here, the Healer had the right of it. Hostilities with the few remaining pockets of humans were all but over. The planet called Earth was as peaceful and serene as it looked from space, invitingly green and blue, wreathed in its harmless white vapors. As was the way of the soul, harmony was universal now.

The verbal dissension between the Healer and the Seeker was out of character. Strangely aggressive for our kind. It made me wonder. Could they be true, the whispered rumors that had undulated like waves through the thoughts of the… of the…

I was distracted, trying to find the name for my last host species. We'd had a name, I knew that. But, no longer connected to that host, I could not remember the word. We'd used much simpler language than this, a silent language of thought that connected us all into one great mind. A necessary convenience when one was rooted forever into the wet black soil.

I could describe that species in my new human language. We lived on the floor of the great ocean that covered the entire surface of our world—a world that had a name, too, but that was also gone. We each had a hundred arms and on each arm a thousand eyes, so that, with our thoughts connected, not one sight in the vast waters went unseen. There was no need for sound, so there was no way to hear it. We tasted the waters, and, with our sight, that told us all we needed to know. We tasted the suns, so many leagues above the water, and turned their taste into the food we needed.

I could describe us, but I could not name us. I sighed for the lost knowledge, and then returned my ponderings to what I'd overheard.

Souls did not, as a rule, speak anything but the truth. Seekers, of course, had the requirements of their Calling, but between souls there was never reason for a lie. With my last species' language of thought, it would have been impossible to lie, even had we wanted to. However, anchored as we were, we told ourselves stories to alleviate the boredom. Storytelling was the most honored of all talents, for it benefited everyone.

Sometimes, fact mixed with fiction so thoroughly that, though no lies were told, it was hard to remember what was strictly true. When we thought of the new planet, Earth; so dry, so varied and filled with such violent destructive denizens we could barely imagine them. Our horror was sometimes over shadowed by our excitement. Stories spun themselves quickly around the thrilling new subject. The wars. Wars! Our kind having to fight were first reported accurately and then embellished and fictionalized when the stories conflicted with the official information I sought out, I naturally believed the first report.

But there were whispers of this: of human hosts so strong that the souls were forced to abandon them. Hosts whose minds could not be completely suppressed. Souls who took on the personality of the body, rather than the other way around. Stories. Wild rumors. Madness.

But that seemed almost to be the Healer's accusation.…

I dismissed the thought. The more likely meaning of his censure was the distaste most of us felt for the Seeker's Calling. Who would choose a life of conflict and pursuit? Who would be attracted to the chore of tracking down unwilling hosts and capturing them? Who would have the stomach to face the violence of this particular species, the hostile humans who killed so easily, so thoughtlessly? Here, on this planet, the Seekers had become practically a… militia—my new brain supplied the term for the unfamiliar concept. Most believed that only the least civilized souls, the least evolved, the lesser among us, would be drawn to the path of Seeker.

Still, on Earth the Seekers had gained new status. Never before had an occupation gone so awry. Never before had it turned into a fierce and bloody battle. Never before had the lives of so many souls been sacrificed. The Seekers stood as a mighty shield, and the souls of this world were thrice-over indebted to them: for the safety they had carved out of the mayhem, for the risk of the final death that they faced willingly every day, and for the new bodies they continued to provide.

Now that the danger was virtually past, it appeared the gratitude was fading. And, for this Seeker at least, the change was not a pleasant one.

It was easy to imagine what her questions for me would be. Though the Healer was trying to buy me time to adjust to my new body, I knew I would do my best to help the Seeker. Good citizenship was quintessential to every soul. Quintessential. The reason I had gotten my name, Quintessence of the world.

So I took a deep breath to prepare myself. The monitor registered the movement. I knew I was stalling a bit. I hated to admit it, but I was afraid. To get the information the Seeker needed, I would have to explore the violent memories that had made me scream in horror. More than that, I was afraid of the voice I'd heard so loudly in my head. But he was silent now, as was right. He was just a memory, too.

I should not have been afraid. After all, I was called Quintessence now. And I'd earned the name.

With another deep breath, I delved into the memories that frightened me, faced them head-on with my teeth locked together.

I could skip past the end—it didn't overwhelm me now. In fast-forward, I ran through the dark again, wincing, trying not to feel. It was over quickly.

Once I was through that barrier, it wasn't hard to float through less-alarming things and places, skimming for the information I wanted. I saw how he'd come to this cold city, driving by night in a stolen car chosen for its nondescript appearance. He'd walked through the streets of Chicago in darkness, shivering beneath her coat. He was doing his own seeking. There were others like him here, or so he had hoped. One in particular, a friend, no, a girlfriend, or was once one. Someone close to his now gone family.

The words came slower and slower, and at first I did not understand why. Was this forgotten? Lost in the trauma of an almost death? Was I still sluggish from unconsciousness? I struggled to think clearly. This sensation was unfamiliar. Was my body still sedated? I felt alert enough, but my mind labored unsuccessfully for the answers I wanted.

I tried another avenue of searching, hoping for clearer responses. What was his goal? He would find… Esther—I fished out the name—and they would…

I hit a wall.

It was a blank, a nothing. I tried to circle around it, but I couldn't find the edges of the void. It was as if the information I sought had been erased.

As if this brain had been damaged.

Anger flashed through me, hot and wild. I gasped in surprise at the unexpected reaction. I'd heard of the emotional instability of these human bodies, but this was beyond my ability to anticipate. In eight full lives, I'd never had an emotion touch me with such force.

I felt the blood pulse through my neck, pounding behind my ears. My hands tightened into fists.

The machines beside me reported the acceleration of my heartbeats. There was a reaction in the room: the sharp tap of the Seeker's shoes approached me, mingled with a quieter shuffle that must have been the Healer.

"Welcome to Earth, Quintessence," the female voice said.


	4. Resisted

**Authors Note: Thank you for those who reviewed. I'm still trying to work on Jared's background and finding it hard but don't fret I have ideas that are building up.**

Disclaimer: I do not own the Host, I wish I did. Stephanie Meyer is a lovely writer who owns the Host.

Chapter 3: Resisted

"He won't recognize the new name," the Healer murmured.

A new sensation distracted me. Something pleasant, a change in the air as the Seeker stood at my side. A scent, I realized. Something different than the sterile, odorless room. Perfume, my new mind told me. Floral, lush...

"Can you hear me?" the Seeker asked, interrupting my analysis. "Are you aware?"

"Take your time," the Healer urged in a softer voice than the one he had used before.

I did not open my eyes. I did not want to be distracted. My mind gave me the words I needed, and the tone that would convey what I couldn't say without using many words.

"Have I been placed in a damaged host in order to gain the information you need, Seeker?"

There was a gasp-surprise and outrage mingled-and something warm touched my skin, covered my hand.

"Of course not, Quintessence," the man said reassuringly. "Even a Seeker would stop at some things."

The Seeker gasped again. Hissed, my mind corrected.

"Then why doesn't this mind function correctly?"

There was a pause.

"The scans were perfect," the Seeker said. Her words not reassuring but argumentative. Did she mean to quarrel with me? "The body was entirely healed."

"From a suicide attempt that was perilously close to succeeding." My tone was stiff, still angry. I wasn't used to anger. It was hard to contain it.

"Everything was in perfect order -"

The Healer cut her off. "What is missing?" he asked. "Clearly, you've accessed speech."

"Memory. I was trying to find what the Seeker wants."

Though there was no sound, there was a change. The atmosphere, which had gone tense at my accusation, relaxed. I wondered how I knew this. I had a strange sensation that I was somehow receiving more than my five senses were giving me-almost a feeling that there was another sense, on the fringes, not quite harnessed. Intuition? That was almost the right word. As if any creature needed more than five senses.

The Seeker cleared her throat, but it was the Healer who answered.

"Ah," he said. "Don't make yourself anxious about some partial memory... difficulties. That's, well, not to be expected, exactly, but not surprising, considering."

"I don't understand your meaning."

"This host was part of the human resistance." There was a hint of excitement in the Seeker's voice now. "Those humans who were aware of us before insertion are more difficult to subdue. This one still resists."

There was a moment of silence while they waited for my response.

Resisting? The host was blocking my access? Again, the heat of my anger surprised me.

"Am I correctly bound?" I asked, my voice distorted because it came through my teeth.

"Yes," the Healer said. "All eight hundred twenty-seven points are latched securely in the optimum positions."

This mind used more of my faculties than any host before, leaving me only one hundred eighty-one spare attachments. Perhaps the numerous bindings were the reason the emotions were so vivid.

I decided to open my eyes. I felt the need to double-check the Healer's promises and make sure the rest of me worked.

Light. Bright, painful. I closed my eyes again. The last light I had seen had been filtered through a hundred ocean fathoms. But these eyes had seen brighter and could handle it. I opened them narrowly, keeping my eyelashes feathered over the breach.

"Would you like me to turn down the lights?"

"No, Healer. My eyes will adjust."

"Very good," he said, and I understood that his approval was meant for my casual use of the possessive.

Both waited quietly while my eyes slowly widened.

My mind recognized this as an average room in a medical facility. A hospital. The ceiling tiles were white with darker speckles. The lights were rectangular and the same size as the tiles, replacing them at regular intervals. The walls were light green-a calming color, but also the color of sickness. A poor choice, in my quickly formed opinion.

The people facing me were more interesting than the room. The word doctor sounded in my mind as soon as my eyes fastened on the Healer. He wore loose-fitting blue green clothes that left his arms bare. Scrubs. He had hair on his face, a strange color that my memory called red.

Red! It had been three worlds since I had seen the color or any of its relatives. Even this gingery gold filled me with nostalgia.

His face was generically human to me, but the knowledge in my memory applied the word kind.

An impatient breath pulled my attention to the Seeker.

She was very small. If she had remained still, it would have taken me longer to notice her there beside the Healer. She didn't draw the eye, a darkness in the bright room. She wore black from chin to wrists-a conservative suit with a silk turtleneck underneath. Her hair was black, too. It grew to her chin and was pushed back behind her ears. Her skin was darker than the Healer's. Olive toned.

The tiny changes in humans' expressions were so minimal they were very hard to read. My memory could name the look on this woman's face, though. The black brows, slanted down over the slightly bulging eyes, created a familiar design. Not quite anger. Intensity. Irritation.

"How often does this happen?" I asked, looking at the Healer again.

"Not often," the Healer admitted. "We have so few full-grown hosts available anymore. The immature hosts are entirely pliable. But you indicated that you preferred to begin as an adult..."

"Yes."

"Most requests are the opposite. The human life span is much shorter than you're used to."

"I'm well versed in all the facts, Healer. Have you dealt with this... resistance before yourself?"

"Only once, myself."

"Tell me the facts of the case." I paused. "Please," I added, feeling a lack of courtesy in my command.

The Healer sighed.

The Seeker began tapping her fingers against her arm. A sign of impatience. She did not care to wait for what she wanted.

"This occurred four years ago," the Healer began. "The soul involved had requested an adult male host. The first one to be available was a human who had been living in a pocket of resistance since the early years of the occupation. The human... knew what would happen when he was caught."

"Just as my host did."

"Um, yes." He cleared his throat. "This was only the soul's second life. He came from Blind World."

"Blind World?" I asked, cocking my head to the side reflexively.

"Oh, sorry, you wouldn't know our nicknames. This was one of yours, though, was it not?" He pulled a device from his pocket, a computer, and scanned quickly. "Yes, your seventh planet. In the eighty-first sector."

"Blind World?" I said again, my voice now disapproving.

"Yes, well, some who have lived there prefer to call it the Singing World."

I nodded slowly. I liked that better.

"And some who've never been there call it Planet of the Bats," the Seeker muttered.

I turned my eyes to her, feeling them narrow as my mind dredged up the appropriate image of the ugly flying rodent she referred to.

"I assume you are one who has never lived there, Seeker," the Healer said lightly. "We called this soul Racing Song at first-it was a loose translation of his name on... the Singing World. But he soon opted to take the name of his host, Kevin. Though he was slated for a Calling in Musical Performance, given his background, he said he felt more comfortable continuing in the host's previous line of work, which was mechanical. These signs were somewhat worrisome to his assigned Comforter, but they were well within normal bounds.

"Then Kevin started to complain that he was blacking out for periods of time. They brought him back to me, and we ran extensive tests to make sure there was no hidden flaw in the host's brain. During the testing, several Healers noted marked differences in his behavior and personality. When we questioned him about this, he claimed to have no memory of certain statements and actions. We continued to observe him, along with his Comforter, and eventually discovered that the host was periodically taking control of Kevin's body."

"Taking control?" My eyes strained wide. "With the soul unaware? The host took the body back?"

"Sadly, yes. Kevin was not strong enough to suppress this host."

Not strong enough.

Would they think me weak as well? Was I weak, that I could not force this mind to answer my questions? Weaker still, because his living thoughts had existed in my head where there should be nothing but memory? I'd always thought of myself as strong. This idea of weakness made me flinch. Made me feel shame.

The Healer continued. "Certain events occurred, and it was decided -"

"What events?"

The Healer looked down without answering.

"What events?" I demanded again. "I believe I have a right to know."

The Healer sighed. "You do. Kevin... physically attacked a Healer while not... himself." He winced. "He knocked the Healer unconscious with a blow from his fist and then found a scalpel on her person. We found him insensible. The host had tried to cut the soul out of his body."

It took me a moment before I could speak. Even then, my voice was just a breath. "What happened to them?"

"Luckily, the host was unable to stay conscious long enough to inflict real damage. Kevin was relocated, into an immature host this time. The troublesome host was in poor repair, and it was decided there wasn't much point in saving him.

"Kevin is seven human years old now and perfectly normal... aside from the fact that he kept the name Kevin, that is. His guardians are taking great care that he is heavily exposed to music, and that is coming along well..." The last was added as if it were good news-news that could somehow cancel out the rest.

"Why?" I cleared my throat so that my voice could gain some volume. "Why have these risks not been shared?"

"Actually," the Seeker broke in, "it is very clearly stated in all recruitment propaganda that assimilating the remaining adult human hosts is much more challenging than assimilating a child. An immature host is highly recommended."

"The word challenging does not quite cover Kevin's story," I whispered.

"Yes, well, you preferred to ignore the recommendation." She held up her hands in a peacemaking gesture when my body tensed, causing the stiff fabric on the narrow bed to crackle softly. "Not that I blame you. Childhood is extraordinarily tedious. And you are clearly not the average soul. I have every confidence that this is well within your abilities to handle. This is just another host. I'm sure you will have full access and control shortly."

By this point in my observations of the Seeker, I was surprised that she'd had the patience to wait for any delay, even my personal acclimatization. I sensed her disappointment in my lack of information, and it brought back some of the unfamiliar feelings of anger.

"Did it not occur to you that you could get the answers you seek by being inserted into this body yourself?" I asked.

She stiffened. "I'm no skipper."

My eyebrows pulled up automatically.

"Another nickname," the Healer explained. "For those who do not complete a life term in their host."

I nodded in understanding. We'd had a name for it on my other worlds. On no world was it smiled upon. So I quit quizzing the Seeker and gave her what I could.

"His name was Jared Howe. He was born in Lakewood, Ohio. He was moving to Albuquerque when the occupation became known to him, and he hid in the woods with his family for a few years but losing them before finding... Hmmm. Sorry, I'll try that one again later. The body has seen twenty six years. He drove to Chicago from..." I shook my head. "There were several stages, not all of them alone. The vehicle was stolen. He was searching for a family friend named Esther, whom he had reason to hope was still human. He neither found nor contacted anyone before he was spotted. But..." I struggled, fighting against another blank wall. "I think... I can't be sure... I think he left a note... somewhere."

"So he expected someone would look for him?" the Seeker asked eagerly.

"Yes. He will be... missed. If he does not rendezvous with..." I gritted my teeth, truly fighting now. The wall was black, and I could not tell how thick it was. I battered against it, sweat beading on my forehead. The Seeker and the Healer were very quiet, allowing me to concentrate.

I tried thinking of something else-the loud, unfamiliar noises the engine of the car had made, the jittery rush of adrenaline every time the lights of another vehicle drew near on the road. I already had this, and nothing fought me. I let the memory carry me along, let it skip over the cold hike through the city under the sheltering darkness of night, let it wind its way to the building where they'd found me.

Not me, him. My body shuddered.

"Don't overextend -" the Healer began.

The Seeker shushed him.

I let my mind dwell on the horror of discovery, the burning hatred of the Seekers that overpowered almost everything else. The hatred was evil; it was pain. I could hardly bear to feel it. But I let it run its course, hoping it would distract the resistance, weaken the defenses.

I watched carefully as he tried to hide and then knew he could not. A note, scratched on a piece of debris with a broken pencil. Shoved hastily under a door. Not just any door.

"The pattern is the fifth door along the fifth hall on the fifth floor. His communication is there."

The Seeker had a small phone in her hand; she murmured rapidly into it.

"The building was supposed to be safe," I continued. "They knew it was condemned. He doesn't know how he was discovered. Did they find Esther?"

A chill of horror raised goose bumps on my arms.

The question was not mine.

The question wasn't mine, but it flowed naturally through my lips as if it were. The Seeker did not notice anything amiss.

"The friend? No, they found no other human," she answered, and my body relaxed in response. "This host was spotted entering the building. Since the building was known to be condemned, the citizen who observed him was concerned. He called us, and we watched the building to see if we could catch more than one, and then moved in when that seemed unlikely. Can you find the rendezvous point?"

I tried.

So many memories, all of them so colorful and sharp. I saw a hundred places I'd never been, heard their names for the first time. A house in Colorado, lined with tall fronted trees. A meadow in a forest, with a tent and a fire, outside Louisville, Kentucky. A deserted rocky beach in California. A cave, the entrance guarded by sheeting rain, somewhere in Seattle. Tents, huts, rude shelters. As time went on, the names grew less specific. He did not know where he was, nor did he care because he was alone and needed to survive on his own.

I tried not to feel pity. Instead, I worked to focus the memories. I didn't need to see where he'd been, only where he was going. I sorted through the pictures that tied to the word Chicago, but none seemed to be anything more than random images. I widened my net. What was outside Chicago? Cold, I thought. It was cold, and there was some worry about that.

Where? I pushed, and the wall came back.

I exhaled in a gust. "Outside the city-in the wilderness... a state park, away from any habitations. It's not somewhere he'd been before, but he knew how to get there."

"How soon?" the Seeker asked.

"Soon." The answer came automatically. "How long have I been here?"

"We let the host heal for nine days, just to be absolutely sure he was recovered," the Healer told me. "Insertion was today, the tenth day."

Ten days. My body felt a staggering wave of relief.

"Too late," I said. "For the rendezvous point... or even the note." I could feel the host's reaction to this-could feel it much too strongly. The host was almost... smug. I allowed the words he thought to be spoken, so that I could learn from them. "She won't be there."

"She?" The Seeker pounced on the pronoun. "Who?"

The black wall slammed down with more force than he'd used before. He was the tiniest fraction of a second too late.

Again, the face filled my mind. The beautiful face with the pale sun-light brown skin and the warm chocolate coloured eyes. The face that stirred a strange, deep pleasure within me while I viewed it so clearly in my mind.

Though the wall slapped into place with an accompanying sensation of vicious resentment, it was not fast enough.

"Melanie," I answered. As quickly as if it had come from me, the thought that was not mine followed the name through my lips. "Melanie is safe."


	5. Esther Brooks

**Author's Note: Sorry for the late update. Hope you enjoy. Thanks for the reviews and suggestions. I'm sorry for the short chapter.**

Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer therefore I do not own the Host

Chapter 4: Esther Brooks

The night the Seeker had lead me to where I was going to stay, which was a very posh apartment, Jared had showed me the person that he was looking for. The reason he had stepped foot in Chicago. The reason that he had been taken. Esther Brooks.

* * *

_I walked through the doors of the overly crowded hall of Lakewood High School. The buzz of this summer's events were going around. I sighed as I pushed my way to my locker. Another year, great! I never really liked school. Nothing much happened. I'd rather stay at home where my three older brothers, Axel, Brody and Zhane, already graduated and lazing around at home instead of getting jobs. I scowled at the thought of them watching TV, playing video games and doing what the hell they want. Since I'm the kid brother, I get no opportunity in doing or getting what I want. I sighed, my life sucks._

_"Jared!" a familiar voice shouted in the hall way. I smiled as I turned around. There, running towards me was my girlfriend, Esther Brooks. Her blond curls bounced on her shoulders as she ran and enveloped me in a hug. I kissed her in the cheek._

_"Hey, Esther." I smiled as she giggled. "How was your summer?" I asked. She immediately rolled his eyes._

_"Ugh! Don't get me started." she exclaims. I gather my books and we walk to our class, just to be early for a change. "I went up to Louisiana to see my relatives, right?" _

_She looked at me. I nodded. "Right."_

_"So, Kirsta-" she started._

_"Your cousin?"_

_She nodded. "She was her usual self as always. Having her camera around and taking videos, right. I was dressing up for a family party at their house . Since I was staying in her room, that's where I changed. I didn't even know that she was taking a video of me while I was changing and when I realized it she ran outside where everyone was trying to get away from me."_

_I shrugged. "What's the deal? She probably was only joking around." I pointed out._

_"Yeah, she was. She didn't take any videos. But I realized that I was under dressed." she said, in a very harsh tone._

_I nodded, finally understanding. "You weren't fully dressed." I smirked. She pushed me away._

_"Shut up!" she exclaimed._

_"Hey, you know I'm joking." I nudged her then pecked her lips before we entered our home room._

_(Page Break)_

_"Do you believe in true love?" Esther asked as we sat down next to each other on her bed._

_"I only believe what I see, since I haven't ever seen true love before I don't believe it." I shrugged. Esther stared at the ground and nodded. "What's wrong?"_

_She shook her head. "Nothing," she said._

_I raised my eyebrows. "No." I shook my head, chuckling. "You believe in it."_

_She rolled her eyes. "I'm a girl. I believe every little thing my parents tell me when I was a little girl. I was told fairy tales before going to bed." she explained. "It shows that you haven't been told about happy endings and true love."_

_I scoff. "Right. How can you tell if someone's your true love. I mean, Snow White and her prince charming just met and they get married immediately. It doesn't make sense." _

_She looked mad at my statement. "It's not supposed to make sense. It's a children's fairytale story."_

_I sigh. "Well, let's agree to disagree." I said, ending the argument and kissed her forehead. She nodded. I stood up. "I have to go. My brothers are probably wondering where I'm off."_

_(Page Break)_

_Esther stood outside my house, looking nervous all of a sudden._

_"Hey, dumbass, someone's outside for you!" Axel said as he took the root beer that Brody was opening._

_I sighed. I knew who he was talking about. He was talking about me. I was the dumbass in the family. I hated how I was the wimpy one out of the four of us. Putting down my Star Wars Omnibus: Rise Of The Sith, my favorite book and stood up from my bed. I headed out from the house to see Esther. "Hey," I smiled as I leaned down to kiss her but she dodged away. I furrowed my eyebrows. "What's wrong, Esther?"_

_She sighed. "I can't do this anymore, Jared." she said. I look into her beautiful cerulean eyes. They looked like they were going to tear up. "Look, Jared, you're a great guy and any girl would be so lucky to have you but it's not me. There's no us anymore. You're too perfect. We don't have fights or arguments, you don't piss me off when we talk, you don't even... ugh, you're like the most gentle guy I know."_

_I shook my head. "I don't understand." I cup my hands to her face and she shakes it off._

_"I'm breaking up with you Jared. I can't be caught being with you now. I'm so embarrassed by you. You're too sensitive and well, kind of, no, you're the most wimpiest guy I've ever met." she explained. "You're too observant. I can't date you, Jared. You're too mellow."_

_I swear a whole lot of emotions had come swiftly through me; I couldn't recognize all of them. I was angry, angry that she would say that to me. I was hurt. I knew I would tear up at the insults and hurtful words people said to me but this hurt a lot more. She didn't know it but I love her. I've grown to love her so much. She is my sun. The reason I wake up every morning to go to school. She was my Esther. I was also sad, sad of how our relationship coming to an end. I couldn't handle that._

_"But Esther, I love you." I blurt out, my vision becoming blurry already._

_She smiled weakly at me. "You'll learn to love again, Jared." she said as she kissed my cheek and left me._

* * *

I sat at the chair digesting Jared's past. He had a girlfriend and he was heart broken but he seemed he found someone else after the blond had broken up with him. Who was this Melanie he was talking about? She was safe, he said as he showed me her beautiful face in the Healing facility a few hours ago.

_**You will never know. **_Jared thought inside my head.

"I will find out. I will get you out of my head." I sneered at him. I was going insane. Talking to this... whatever he was. He was making me insane.

_**Well, you stole my body, parasite. **_Jared jeered. _**Prepare for a world of hate and distress. **_I could hear that he was enjoying annoying me. I would just have to forget that he was there.


	6. The Wimpy Jared

**Author's Note: So... uh, I didn't get any reviews but here's the next chapter.**

Disclaimer: Everything related to the Host owns to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 5: The Wimpy Jared

It's been a few hours since Jared had shown me Esther. While I felt pity for him getting dumped by her, I couldn't help but get confused. This human, Jared, he didn't seem like a wimp. What happened between Esther dumping him and right now in the distant future.

_**Let's just say I changed.**_Jared said in my head, his tone very bored.

"What's that supposed to mean, wimp?" I ask, Jared could hear the smirk in my voice.

He growled. _**Whatever Esther said motivated me into being something I'm not. **_Jared informed. He felt not at ease. He hated me calling him wimp.

"Why should you change for the better good of people? We, souls, do not judge or make other souls change just for the better of it. We are at peace with one another." I contemplate.

Jared rolled his eyes. Well, tried to have the force to roll his eyes. _**We're not like you. We humans have been like this for a very very long time. We don't want to change how we are. Before your race invaded Earth, society ruled this world. Everybody judged you about everything. Every single thing.**_

"That is why we easily took over your planet. We are the better people here. We do not engage on fights. We are at peace and we have saved your world." I argue. "This way is for the better of your people."

_**If you want to make it better 'for my people' then I suggest you just leave us alone. Take all your parasite brothers and sisters and scram! **_ I winced at the voice inside my head. He was giving me a headache. _**Good. **_I sneered at him.

"Why fight when there is nothing to fight about?" I asked.

_**Because we're humans, it's our nature. **_Jared answered as quickly after I asked the question.

"How did you become so... mean?" I asked. "In your memories of Esther you were nice, polite even."

_**Let's just say I hardened after she broke up with me. **_Jared sighed.

(Page Break)

_I went back inside my house. Brody lifted his eyebrows at my facial expression. I was beyond angry. "Hey, dork, you okay?" he asked, patting my shoulder._

_I clenched my fist and shoved him against the wall, putting my arm against his throat. "Don't call me dork." I said through gritted teeth. Zhane came into the house, waving goodbye to his mates, then slammed the door shut. He eyed his me trying to choke Brody to death._

_"What's going on in here?" he asked._

_I let go of my big brother. "Nothing. Just playing around." Brody lied, nervously laughing._

_I trudged up the stairs to my room, locking the door. I punched my wall, until my fists had started to bleed. I then began thrashing my room. I was out of control. I couldn't believe Esther would break up with me because I was nice and perfect. That I'm a wimp. I shook my head. I'll show her. I'll show all of them. I'm not a wimp. I'm not._

_So the next day, I gathered up all my comic books and collectibles, sold them when dad was having a garage sale. I earned up enough money to buy myself a car. A red ford mustang shelby. I started using Axel's weight sets. Went to the gym more often and joined the football team. I made a reputation for myself and no one dared called me wimpy Jared again. I felt better than I was when I read my dorky comic books or watched my star wars movies. I even started to get some abs. Nobody looked me the same anymore. Although my brothers still called me dork. They still treated me like their younger brother._

_In the middle of semester, though, dad announced that we'd have to move to Albuquerque, New Mexico. I signed myself off the football team and packed away my locker the day before we drove to our new home. That was when Esther came back into my life._

_"Jared," Esther called as I finished packing up my locker. I sighed as I heard her calling my name. It's been months since I had given up hope that she would take me back. "Jared, what are you doing?"_

_I faced her as I closed the locker door. "Esther, what do you want?" I asked. I had hoped that I wouldn't stumble into her. I didn't want to tell her anything. She deserved not to be told where I'm going._

_"I just..." she looked at me in misery. She was miserable. Good. "I miss you and I was a fool to break up with you."_

_I nodded slightly as I swung my bag over my shoulder and left her. She called my name again and I rolled my eyes. I was so over her! _

_"You're actually gonna leave me hanging." she yelled, furious._

_I sighed again. "You left me hanging." I said and was surprised of the venom in my voice. "Don't worry by tomorrow, I'll be removed from your life."_

_"What are you talking about?" she asked and then she gasped. "Are you going to kill yourself? Just because I broke up with you?"_

_I scoff and turned around to face her. "I wouldn't do that even if it was because of you. No, I'm moving. So you don't have to even say sorry for breaking up with me." I said._

_She started to cry. "No, Jared, after I broke up with you, I... I couldn't stop thinking about you. I've started to fall in love with you." She wraps her arms around me. I stay tense._

_"Just because I'm not a wimp, anymore." I scoff, being sarcastic. "Right."_

_"Jared, don't leave me." she begged._

_"I'm sorry, Esther. My dad's already been promoted and plus my brother's have a chance at doing something they all love in Albuquerque." I sigh as I squeeze her shoulder. "You'll do fine, Esther. You're better off without me."_

(Page Break)

I blink my eyes at the memory Jared had just given me. "Payback?" I questioned.

_**Of course not! I cared about Esther. But it took her too long to see me as I am. **_Jared commented.

"If you cared about her then why would you just leave her?" I asked, agitated and shocked at what happened.

_**I had to. I didn't want to be judged. Everyone looked at me and knew that I was the wimp who changed because I was dumped. **_Jared explained.

"Well, I don't think you're a wimp." I told him as I laid down my bed, preparing to sleep.

_**Whatever. **_Jared said, trying to have the force to roll his eyes.


	7. Dreamed

**Author's Note: Thank you for those who reviewed. Enjoy the chapter. This chapter is just Jared's POV about meeting Melanie. Please Read &Review!**

Disclaimer: The Host belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 4: Dreamed

_I watch as the old 'lovely' couple drove off somewhere. This is it. I told myself. Let's hope that they don't come back soon. I could use a little shower. I smelt like trash. The last time one of their kind was behind my tail, I had to dump myself in a trash bin just to not get caught. I sighed. When did my life get so difficult? Oh, right, since they showed up. I opened the door to the stolen jeep and got out, grabbing my duffel bag with me. I crouched under a bush and waited for five minutes because a stupid parasite and his dog had to walk along the quiet street. When they were gone, I ran straight to the house, my flashlight hitting my leg a few times since it was at the side pocket of my khaki pants. I hid in the shadows as a car drove past but luckily the people -parasites- didn't see me. I put my hood on, just in case. If I were to be caught while stealing, they wouldn't see my face entirely._

_I took a few deep breaths before I went to the back door. I searched my duffel for a bobby pin and just as I was about to pick the lock, I turned the knob and it opened, just like that. What the hell?! They left their door open? Of course, they were peaceful living freaks, they don't need to close their doors. It's a safe environment for them now. Oh, what I would've done if I could kill one right now. I slowly browsed around the place, checking if there were anyone else living in this house. The house was empty. As I was going to the kitchen, I saw someone taking food out of the fridge. One of them is home. Dammit! It's probably the daughter of the couple. I could see its figure in the dim light. I put my duffel bag down and take out my knife. It goes over to the pantry and takes a few things. It's probably going to a party of some sort. Then stashes a few granola bars into its pockets. I couldn't see where else it went but I knew that I had to scare it and threaten to know if anyone else is around this block. And in one swift move, I came behind it, shoving the knife against it's throat. A small squeak of fear escapes its mouth. Good, it was scared. It tries to sprint for the door next to me but I grab its shoulders and pull them roughly against my body._

_"One sound and you die," I threaten my voice as rough as my hold on it. If it were human, god, I would kiss it. I push the knife more to its jaw._

_"Do it," it cries. "Just do it. I don't want to be a filthy parasite!"_

_I raised my eyebrows. So it knew what we called it's kind. "Clever." I mutter to myself. And I come to a conclusion on what it was. "Must be a Seeker. And that means a trap. How did they know?" I asked through gritted teeth as I removed my knife and replaced it with my arm, in a form of strangling -her- it. It took small breaths._

_"Where are the rest of them?" I asked, squeezing its neck by force._

_It spoke with a weak voice, "It's just me." It tries to elbow my gut but that doesn't work. I have rock hard abs and I was thankful for them. It was meant to hurt me but it only hurt itself. It tries again. It jabs its heel into my foot, catching me off guard, making me wobble. It tried to run away but I pull its bag and made her body slam into mine. My hand clamps at her throat again. I was really hating this body snatcher._

_I smirk. "Fiesty for a peace-loving body snatcher, aren't you?" I ask, rhetorically. It tries to twist and claw at me, trying to break my hold, but this makes me tighten my hold even more. "I will kill you, you worthless body thief and I'm not bluffing."_

_"Do it, then!" it said, hissing._

_I gasp as I realize that it might be a human. Maybe it's not an it, maybe it's a she. I let go of its and grab a fistful of her hair. I loosen the knife as my hands try to search for the scar located at the back of her neck. There wasn't one. I shook my head. "Impossible," I breath. I dropped the knife as realization hit me. Is it really human? I spin it around quickly, leaning it to the fridge as I take out my flash light from my side pocket. The flash light turns on and I direct it to its left eye, it gasps as it tries to twist away but I hold it tighter and move the flash light to its right eye. She was human. "I can't believe it," I whisper. I looked at her, so happy that I wasn't the last of our kind. "You're still human."_

_I didn't know what I was doing next but I grabbed her face and kissed her hard. I could feel her body tense and I knew I should've told her I was human too. Because maybe that was why she was scared. But I needed to kiss her because I was so damn right happy. But what I found surprising was when she jerks her knee up and I stumble back, choking as her knee thrusted into my abdomen. She makes a quick run from me and ducks under my arm and leap through the open back door I didn't close. I chose a few seconds to take a few breaths before running to catch her. She was the first human I have ever seen since my brother's and father was taken, I couldn't lose her. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I saw her as she went into through the woods beside the house. I could see she dropped the granola bars she stole. I couldn't believe she was that fast. Man, I needed to catch her so I accelerated faster._

_"Wait!" I yell as I try to catch up. She was at least fifty feet away from me. As soon as I get closer to her, at least twenty feet, I yell again, "I'm not one of them!" I was getting frustrated that she wouldn't listen to me but if this situation was reversed I wouldn't even trust me or whoever was saying that they were human. "Listen to me! I'll prove it. Just stop and look at me!" I was begging her to stop but she wouldn't. She clutched her bag and kept running._

_"I didn't think there was anyone left! Please, I need to talk to you!" I beg as I was inches away from her. But as soon as I was about to touch her, she zoomed faster. I groaned. "I'm sorry I kissed you! That was stupid! I've just been alone for so long!"_

_"Shut up!" I heard her say as she sprints faster than I've ever ran. I clench my fist as I once again accelerate my speed. I was so close to her now and so that I didn't lose her, I tackled her to the ground._

_"Wait. A. Minute." I huff as I sucked in some air before saying or doing anything else. I shift my weight and rolls her over. I straddle her chest, trapping her arms under my legs. She growls and tries to squirm away from me. "Look, look, look," I say as I take my flash light out of my pocket again and twist the top, making it turn on. I direct it to my eyes, bouncing it from left to right."I'm human, just like you." (Author's Note: I know that he actually says "See? See? I'm just like you" in the book but I liked it better when he said this in the movie)_

_She stopped squirming. "Let me see your neck." Her voice was suspicious of me, still. Wasn't it enough that my eyes weren't a silvery glow? She saw me looking nervous. Yeah, she thinks I'm tricking her._

_My lips twist. "Yeah, well... That won't exactly help anything. Aren't the eyes enough? You know I'm not one of them." I say, mentally pleading that she would just drop it._

_"Why won't you show me your neck?"_

_"Because I have a scar there," I admit. And as I said this she squirms. "It's self-inflicted." I explain. "I think I did a pretty good job, though at first it hurt like hell. I don't have all that pretty hair to cover up my neck. It helps me blend in."_

_"Get off me." I hesitate, fearing that she might run off again. I stood up as I looked at her._

_"Please, don't run away. And um," I feel nervous all of a sudden. "I 'd rather you didn't kick me again, either."_

_She didn't move and I got the feeling if she did run, I'd catch her. "Who are you?" she whispers._

_I smile widely. "My name is Jared Howe. I haven't spoken to a human being in more than two years, so I'm sure I must seem ... a little crazy to you." I look into her eyes. "Please forgive that and tell me your name, anyway."_

_"Melanie," she whispers._

_"Melanie," I repeat and though she might find it weird for me repeating her name, I repeat her name a few times in my head just so I don't forget it. I smiled at her. "I can't tell you how delighted I am to meet you." She grips her bag as I slowly extend my hand to her, trying to help her up. She takes my hand and as her hands curl against mine, I could see that she believes me. I help her to her feet but I don't release her hand as she stands up. I don't know why but my heart starts beating rapidly for some reason. She is the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life. It wasn't just that she was the first and possibly last girl I've spoken to for two years. No, she was... way beyond words. Is this love? I ask as we stare into each other's eyes or am I just that desperate to see another human again._

_"What now?" she asks._

_"Well, we can't stay here for long." I stated the obvious. "Will you come back with me to the house? I left my bag. You beat me to the fridge." I shrug. She shakes her head. I gulp. "Will you wait for me here, then?" I ask in a gentle voice. "I'll be real quick. Let me get us some more food."_

_"Us?" she questioned._

_I nodded. "Do you really think I'm going to let you disappear? I'll follow you even if you tell me not to." I don't want to let her go. I don't want to not see her here with me._

_"I..." she starts and my face falls. Was she really going to leave me? " I don't have time. I have so far to go and... Jamie is waiting."_

_My heart breaks as I realize she wasn't alone. Someone else was waiting for her. Her boyfriend? I felt jealous, I don't know why I felt that but I did. "You're not alone." I stated._

_She nods. "My brother." I mentally cheered. Jamie is her brother, not her boyfriend. Yes! She's not taken. "He's just nine, and he's so frightened when I'm away. It will take me half the night to get back to him. He won't know if I've been caught. He's so hungry." Her stomach rumbled as if to make her point._

_I smile wide. "Will it help if I give you a ride?" I ask._

_"A ride?" she echoes, uncertain._

_I nodded. "I'll make you a deal. You wait here while I gather us some more food, and I'll take you anywhere you want to go in my jeep. It's faster than running-even faster than you running." I chuckle as she smiles._

_"You have a car?" she asks, surprised._

_"Of course. Did you think I walked out here?" I asked, bewildered._

_"We'll be back to your brother in no time." I promise her. I was going to take her to her brother safely. I didn't want her to lose her brothers the way I lost mine. "Don't move from this spot, okay?" She only nods. "And eat something, please. I don't want your stomach to give us away." I grin, letting go of her hand slowly but my eyes don't leave hers. I take a step back but I pause. Should I kiss her? "Please, don't kick me." I plead as I lean forward and grab her chin. I kiss her again, the second time tonight and she responded unlike before. The kiss was hot and passionate and I felt my cheeks burn. Her arms wrap my neck as she pulls me closer. She touches my blushing cheeks and the rough hair on my neck. Her fingers trail down my neck to the scar I told her before. Shit! My scar. As soon as she felt the scar line, she screamed._

_I shake my head. "No, no, it's not what you think!" I tell her._

I sat up, shaking. I was covered in sweat Even before I was all the way awake, my fingers were on the back of my neck, tracing the short line left from the insertion and another one just below the one that was inserted from. The one below the inserted one was uneven I knew that was the one that Jared put himself. I could barely detect the faint pink blemish with my fingertips. The medicines the Healer had used had done their job.

Jared's poorly healed scar had never been much of a disguise.

I flicked on the light beside my bed, waiting for my breathing to slow, veins full of adrenaline from the realistic dream.

A new dream, but in essence so much the same as the many others that had plagued me in the past months.

No, not a dream. Surely a memory.

Jared had not given me a memory since the few hours after my insertion. He had told me about Esther. Shown me. And the Seeker had been looking for her. But there were no signs of Esther Brooks ever being in Chicago for the past few months. I sighed. There didn't seem to be a sign of Jared in my head, either. Maybe he was gone.

I had finally known who the beautiful girl was that Jared had fallen for after Esther. Melanie. Melanie Stryder. She was... HOT!

_**Don't even think about it, Quintessence. She's mine and I don't share. **_Jared said in my head, angrily. I rolled my eyes.

"Great, you're back." I muttered. I ignored him as I thought back to the memory.

I could still feel Melanie's lips on mine. My hands reached out without my permission, searching across the rumpled sheet, looking for something they did not find. My heart ached when they gave up, falling to the bed limp and empty.

I blinked away the unwelcome moisture in my eyes. I didn't know how much more of this I could stand. How did anyone survive this world, with these bodies whose memories wouldn't stay in the past where they should? With these emotions that were so strong I couldn't tell what I felt anymore?

_**Welcome to my world.**_ Jared commented.

"Shut up for a second!" I yelled at him.

I was going to be exhausted tomorrow, but I felt so far from sleep that I knew it would be hours before I could relax. I might as well do my duty and get it over with. Maybe it would help me take my mind off things I'd rather not think about.

I rolled off the bed and stumbled to the computer on the otherwise empty desk. It took a few seconds for the screen to glow to life, and another few seconds to open my mail program. It wasn't hard to find the Seeker's address; I only had four contacts: the Seeker, the Healer, my new employer, and his wife, my Comforter.

There were two humans with my host, Jared Howe.

I typed, not bothering with a greeting.

His name is Jamie Stryder and Melanie Stryder; they are siblings. Melanie and Jared were lovers. On the run.

I didn't actually really thought about the little boy, Jamie. I was too caught up of the face that was Melanie Stryder. She was important to my host. Very important. But Jamie seemed like the one Jared was so keen to protect. Jared has protected Melanie and Jamie the past few months but giving me information about his ex-girlfriend, Esther Brooks, who doesn't matter anymore. Did he have more secrets than these? Big ones that could lead to the human resistance that the my Seeker talked so incredulously about? Was Jared that strong to keep away the memories that he adored and not let me see? My fingers trembled as I keyed the rest of the information.

I think he's a young adolescent now. Perhaps thirteen. They were living in a temporary camp, and I believe it was north of the town of Cave Creek, in Arizona. That was several years ago, though. Still, you could compare a map to the lines I remembered before. As always, I'll tell you if I get anything more.

I sent it off. As soon as it was gone, terror washed through me.

_**Not Jamie! **_Jared exclaimed, his tone very angry now. I was pleased with myself but his voice was strong in my head. It feared me that he might be getting stronger. I shuddered in horror as I remembered my Healer's story about Kevin.

Even as I struggled with the fear of what was happening, I was gripped with the insane desire to e-mail the Seeker again and apologize for sending her my crazy dreams. To tell her I was half asleep and to pay no attention to the silly message I'd sent.

The desire was not my own.

I shut off the computer.

_**I hate you**_**, **Jared snarled at me as I went back to bed. _**I wish I could hurt you.**_

"You should leave, then, if you hate me so much." I snapped. The sound of my voice, answering him out loud, made me shudder again. I was going insane.

H hadn't spoken to me since he told me about Esther a few months ago. There was no doubt that he was getting stronger. Just like the dreams.

And there was no question about it; I was going to have to visit my Comforter tomorrow. Tears of disappointment and humiliation welled in my eyes at the thought.

I went back to bed, put a pillow over my face, and tried to think of nothing at all.


	8. Uncomforted

**Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews. I love reading them and now onto the next chapter. Please Read and review!**

Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, who wrote the Host therefore I do not own the host

Chapter 7: Uncomforted

"Hello there, Quintessence To The World!" My comforter greeted but I looked at her. "Oh, I mean, Quintessence." She smiled. "Please take a seat and make yourself at home."

I hesitated at the doorway of the Comforter's office. I was unsure if I should step in or just walk back to my apartment as I really didn't want to talk to her, right now.

She smiled as a corner of her lips twitched, almost as if she was forcing herself to smile at me. It was much easier to read facial expressions now; the little muscle twitches and shifts had become familiar through months of exposure. I could see that the Comforter found my reluctance a bit amusing. At the same time, I could sense her frustration that I was still uneasy coming to her. She suspected me. Of my duty to get the information the Seeker needed. It wasn't my fault. This host wouldn't allow me any more details of the whereabouts of his lover and her brother.

With a quiet sigh of recognition, I walked slowly into the small brightly colored room and took my usual seat-the puffy red one, the one farthest from where she sat.

Her lips pursed.

To avoid her gaze, I stared through the open windows at the clouds scuttling past the sun. The faint tang of ocean brine blew softly through the room. I sighed again. To be free of being looked after. The host body I was in longed that. Wanted that. Free of interrogation and emails sending to the Seeker of details of Jared's life.

"So, Quintessence. It's been a while since you've come to see me."

I was guilty as I her eyes met with mine. "I did leave a message about that last appointment. I had a student who requested some of my time..."

"Yes, I know." She smiled. "I got your message."

Honestly, I was thankful for that student who had needed me in their time of need. I didn't want to go to my Comforter. I was just too tired of always seeing her.

I look at her. She was attractive for an older woman, as humans went. She'd let her hair stay a natural gray-it was soft, tending toward white rather than silver, and she wore it long, pulled back in a loose ponytail. Her eyes were an interesting green color I'd never seen on anyone else.

"I'm sorry," I said, since she seemed to be waiting for a response.

"That's all right. I understand. It's difficult for you to come here. You wish so much that it wasn't necessary. It's never been necessary for you before. This frightens you."

I stared down at the wooden floor. "Yes, Comforter."

"I know I've asked you to call me Kathy."

"Yes... Kathy." I look up at her. "But haven't I told you to call me, Quintessence, either. I remember that some had called me Quinni in my past lives."

She laughed lightly at how I said her human name. It was unusual. "You are not at ease with human names yet, are you, Quintessence?"

"No. To be honest, it seems..." I searched for the words to what it seemed like. "Like a surrender."

I looked up to see her nod slowly. "Well, I can understand why you, especially, would feel that way."

I swallowed loudly when she said that, and stared again at the floor.

"Let's talk about something easier for a moment," Kathy suggested. "Do you continue to enjoy your Calling?"

"I do." This was easier. Very much easier. "I've begun a new semester. I wondered if it would get tiresome, repeating the same material, but so far it doesn't. Having new ears makes the stories new again."

"I hear good things about you from Curt. He says your class is among the most requested at the university."

My cheeks warmed a bit at this praise. "That's nice to hear. How is your partner?"

"Curt is wonderful, thank you. Our hosts are in excellent shape for their ages. We have many years ahead of us, I think."

I was curious if she would stay on this world, if she would move to another human host when the time came, or if she would leave. But I didn't want to ask any questions that might move us into the more difficult areas of discussion. If Jared wasn't in my head most times, I would certainly like this planet. He was just very annoying at times. Even in my classes when I was teaching, he'd comment about everything minor or major detail I had said. It bothers me.

"I enjoy teaching," I said instead of what I was thinking. "It's somewhat related to my Calling with the See Weeds, so that makes it easier than something unfamiliar. I'm indebted to Curt for requesting me."

"They're lucky to have you." Kathy smiled warmly. "Do you know how rare it is for a Professor of History to have experienced even two planets in the curriculum? Yet you've lived a term on almost all of them. And the Origin, to boot! There isn't a school on this planet that wouldn't love to steal you away from us. Curt plots ways to keep you busy so you have no time to consider moving."

"Honorary Professor," I corrected her.

Kathy smiled and then took a deep breath, her smile fading. "You haven't been to see me in so long, I was wondering if your problems were resolving themselves. But then it occurred to me that perhaps the reason for your absence was that they were getting worse."

I stared down at my light brown tanned skin hands and said nothing. She was right. Maybe I was just getting worse with Jared inside of me still. I mean, he wasn't even supposed to be in here. It was supposed to be me, only me.

She cleared her throat after a minute. "I'm guessing my intuition was right."

"Kathy." I said her name slowly. Stalling. "Why did you keep your human name? Did it make you feel... more at one? With your host, I mean?" I would have liked to know about Curt's choice as well, but it was such a personal question. It would have been wrong to ask anyone besides Curt for the answer, even his partner. I worried that I'd already been too impolite, but she laughed.

"Of course not, Quintessence. Haven't I told you this? Hmm. Maybe not, since it's not my job to talk, but to listen. Most of the souls I speak with don't need as much encouragement as you do. Did you know I came to Earth in one of the very first placements, before the humans had any idea we were here? I had human neighbors on both sides. Curt and I had to pretend to be our hosts for several years. Even after we'd settled the immediate area, you never knew when a human might be near. So Kathy just became who I was. Besides, the translation of my former name was fourteen words long and did not shorten prettily." She grinned. The sunlight slanting through the window caught her eyes and sent their silver green reflection dancing on the wall. For a moment, the emerald irises glowed iridescent.

I had no idea that this soft, cozy woman had been a part of the front line. It took me a minute to process that. I stared at her, surprised and suddenly more respectful. I'd never taken Comforters very seriously-never had a need before now. They were for those who struggled, for the weak, and it shamed me to be here. I always thought I was strong but here I am talking to a Comforter because I still had problems squashing out the presence of Jared in my head. Knowing Kathy's history made me feel slightly less awkward with her. She understood strength.

"Did it bother you?" I asked. "Pretending to be one of them?"

"No, not really. You see, this host was a lot to get used to-there was so much that was new. Sensory overload. Following the set pattern was quite as much as I could handle at first."

"And Curt... You chose to stay with your host's spouse? After it was over?"

This question was more pointed, and Kathy grasped that at once. She shifted in her seat, pulling her legs up and folding them under her. She gazed thoughtfully at a spot just over my head as she answered.

"Yes, I chose Curt-and he chose me. At first, it was random chance, an assignment. We bonded, naturally, from spending so much time together, sharing the danger of our mission. As the university's president, Curt had many contacts, you see. Our house was an insertion facility. We would entertain often. Humans would come through our door and our kind would leave. It all had to be very quick and quiet-you know the violence these hosts are prone to. How if there were any problems, the only resolution was violence to them. We lived every day with the knowledge that we could meet a final end at any moment. There was constant excitement and frequent fear.

"All very good reasons why Curt and I might have formed an attachment and decided to stay together when secrecy was no longer necessary. And I could lie to you, assuage your fears, by telling you that these were the reasons. But..." She shook her head and then seemed to settle deeper into her chair, her eyes boring into me. "In so many millennia, the humans never did figure love out. How much is physical, how much in the mind? How much accident and how much fate? Why did perfect matches crumble and impossible couples thrive? I don't know the answers any better than they did. Love simply is where it is. My host loved Curt's host, and that love did not die when the ownership of the minds changed."

She watched me carefully, reacting with a slight frown when I slumped in my seat.

"Jared still grieves for Melanie," she stated. "Not Esther."

I felt my head nod without willing the action.

"You grieve for her."

I closed my eyes.

"The dreams continue?" she asked.

"Every night," I mumble, still remembering how Melanie's lips touched this host's lips.

"Tell me about them. Their relationship." Her voice was soft but persuasive.

"I don't like to think about them." I said as another picture of Melanie flashed in my head.

"I know. Try. It might help." She said, her voice sounded caring.

"How? How will it help to tell you that I see her face every time I close my eyes? That I wake up and cry when she's not there? That the memories are so strong I can't separate his from mine anymore?" I asked, angrily.

I stopped abruptly, clenching my teeth.

Kathy pulled a white handkerchief from her pocket and offered it to me. When I didn't move, she got up, walked over to me, and dropped it in my lap. She sat on the arm of my chair and waited.

I held on stubbornly for half a minute. Then I snatched the little square of fabric angrily and wiped my eyes.

"I hate this."

"Everybody cries their first year. These emotions are so impossible. We're all children for a bit, whether we intended that or not. I used to tear up every time I saw a pretty sunset. The taste of peanut butter would sometimes do that, too." She patted the top of my head, then trailed her fingers gently to my shoulder.

"Such beautiful hair," she noted. "Every time I see you it seems to be much more longer. Why do you keep it that way?"

"It bothers him. He likes it short." I smirked.

She didn't gasp, as I half expected she would. Kathy was good at her job. Her response was only a second late and only slightly incoherent.

"You... He... he's still that... present?"

The appalling truth tumbled from my lips. "When he wants to be. Our history bores her. Comments about everything. He's more dormant while I'm working. But he's there, all right. Sometimes I feel like he's as present as I am. I think he's more stronger than I am." My voice was only a whisper by the time I was done.

"Quintessence!" Kathy exclaimed, horrified. "Why didn't you tell me it was that bad? How long has it been this way?"

"It's getting worse. Instead of fading, he seems to be growing stronger, like I said. The longer I've been here, he keeps getting stronger. Trying to take over but he' not as strong to be able to. It's not as bad as the Healer's case yet-we spoke of Kevin, do you remember? He hasn't taken control. He won't. He's tried, but he won't. I won't let that happen!" The pitch of my voice climbed.

"Of course it won't happen," she assured me. "Of course not. But if you're this... unhappy, you should have told me earlier. We need to get you to a Healer."

It took me a moment, emotionally distracted as I was, to understand.

"A Healer? You want me to skip?"

"No one would think badly of that choice, Quintessence. It's understood, if a host is defective -"

"Defective? he's not defective. I am. I'm too weak for this world!" My head fell into my hands as the humiliation washed through me. Fresh tears welled in my eyes.

_**Oh, wow, you're crying. Stop it! **_Jared said as he came back. He hated the appointments with Kathy. It bored him, even more than the classes.

Kathy's arm settled around my shoulders. I was struggling so hard to control my wild emotions that I didn't pull away, though it felt too intimate.

It bothered Jared, too. He didn't like being hugged by an alien. _**Get her away from me! **_He demanded.

Of course Jared was very much present in this moment, and unbearably smug as I finally admitted to his power. It was always harder to control him when I was distracted by emotion like this.

I tried to calm myself so that I would be able to put him back in his place. Inside the hidden depths of my head. Where he belongs, trapped forever.

_**You are in my place.**_ Jared thought was faint but intelligible. How much worse it was getting; he was strong enough to speak to me now whenever he wished. It was as bad as that first minute of consciousness.

_Go away. It's my place now!_

_**Never.**_

"Quintessence, no. You are not weak and we both know that." Kathy tried to reassure me.

"Tell that to him." I said.

She ignored my comment. "Listen to are strong. Surprisingly strong. Our kind are always so much the same, but you exceed the norm. You're so brave it astonishes me. Your past lives are a testament to that. You were put into Jared because you are one of the strongest of our kind and he may be one of the strongest to resist."

My past lives maybe, but this life? Where was my strength now? Or was my strength and Jared's balanced in some sort of way?

"Humans are more individualized than we are," Kathy went on. "There's quite a range, and some of them are much stronger than others. I truly believe that if anyone else had been put into this host, Jared would have crushed them in days. Maybe it's an accident, maybe it's fate, but it appears to me that the strongest of our kind is being hosted by the strongest of theirs."

"Doesn't say much for our kind, does it?"

She heard the implication behind my words. "He's not winning, Quintessence. You are this strong intuitive person beside me. He's just a shadow in the corner of your mind. Weak, suffering."

_**I'm not weak! You know, I'm gonna kill this bitch when you're out of my head. Strangle her. **_Jared practically yelled. And he gave me an image of this host strangling Kathy. I ignored it.

"He speaks to me, Kathy. He still thinks his own thoughts. He still keeps his secrets. He still has his emotions."

"But he doesn't speak for you, does he? I doubt I would be able to say as much in your place."

I didn't respond. I was feeling too miserable.

"I think you should consider re-implantation."

"Kathy, you just said that he would crush a different soul. Take over for them and keep them in the back of his mind. Squish them until they do not exist anymore. I don't know if I believe that-you're probably just trying to do your job and comfort me. But if he is so strong, it wouldn't be fair to hand him off to someone else because I can't subdue him. Who would you choose to take him on?"

"I didn't say that to comfort you."

"Then what -"

"I don't think this host would be considered for reuse."

"Oh!"

A shiver of horror jolted down my spine. And I wasn't the only one who was staggered by the idea.

I was immediately repulsed. I was no quitter. Through the long revolutions around the suns of my last planet-the world of the See Weeds, as they were known here-I had waited. Though the permanence of being rooted began to wear long before I'd thought it would, though the lives of the See Weeds would measure in centuries on this planet, I had not skipped out on the life term of my host. To do so was wasteful, wrong, ungrateful. It mocked the very essence of who we were as souls. We made our worlds better places; that was absolutely essential or we did not deserve them.

But we were not wasteful. We did make whatever we took better, more peaceful and beautiful. And the humans were brutish and ungovernable. They had killed one another so frequently that murder had been an accepted part of life. The various tortures they'd devised over the few millennia they'd lasted had been too much for me; I hadn't been able to bear even the dry official overviews. Wars had raged over the face of nearly every continent. Sanctioned murder, ordered and viciously effective. Those who lived in peaceful nations had looked the other way as members of their own species starved on their doorstep. There was no equality to the distribution of the planet's bounteous resources. Most vile yet, their offspring-the next generation, which my kind nearly worshipped for their promise-had all too often been victims of heinous crimes. And not just at the hands of strangers, but at the hands of the caretakers they were entrusted to. Even the huge sphere of the planet had been put into jeopardy through their careless and greedy mistakes. No one could compare what had been and what was now and not admit that Earth was a better place thanks to us.

_**You practically murdered an entire species and then pat yourself on the back. So, what if your kind stopped global warming and pollution for the better of this world? **_Jared countered. _**We never asked improving. We liked it the way it was.**_

My hands balled up into fists.

_I could have you disposed of, _I reminded him. _So shut up!_

_**Go ahead. Make my murder official. Too bad Melanie can't see us ever again.**_

I was bluffing and so was Jared but as he said the last part, I started to think about it. If I was re-implanted then Jared would be gone and Melanie would mourn so much. Who knows how she is coping with this host's absence.

Oh, he thought he wanted to die. He'd thrown himself into the elevator shaft, after all, cutting himself all over his body. But that was in a moment of panic and defeat. To consider it calmly from a comfortable chair was something else altogether. I could feel the adrenaline-adrenaline called into being by his fear-shoot through my limbs as I contemplated switching to a more pliant body. A more peaceful one where no one would be in the back of my mind screaming at me for being a body snatcher.

Jared squirmed, figuratively, in the recesses of my head as I tried to consider it rationally. Maybe I should give up...

The words themselves made me flinch. I, Quintessence, give up? Quit? Admit failure and try again with a weak, spineless host who wouldn't give me any trouble? I was not weak therefore I was not going to quit just because I complained about an annoying voice at the back of my mind.

I shook my head. I could barely stand to think of it.

And... this was my body. I was used to the feel of it. I liked the way the muscles moved over the bones, the bend of the joints and the pull of the tendons. I knew the reflection in the mirror and having a new one would take long to adjust to. The light brown tanned skin, the high, sharp bones of my face, the rough sun bleached golden hair, the honey colored eyes-this was me.

I wanted myself. I wouldn't let what was mine be destroyed.


	9. Followed

_**Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Read and Review!**_

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Host, it's characters and the plot. I own nothing...

Chapter 8: Followed

The light was finally fading outside the windows. The day, hot for March, had lingered on and on, as if reluctant to end and set me free.

I sniffled and twisted the wet handkerchief into another knot. "Kathy, you must have other obligations. Curt will be wondering where you are."

"He'll understand."

"I can't stay here forever. And we're no closer to an answer than before."

"Quick fixes aren't my specialty. You are decided against a new host -"

"Yes."

"So dealing with this will probably take some time."

I clenched my teeth in frustration. I was starting to hate her company. Maybe mine and Jared's thoughts and emotions were the same now since we have shared the same body for almost a year now.

"And it will go faster and more smoothly if you have some help."

"I'll be better with making my appointments, I promise."

"That's not exactly what I mean, though I hope you will."

"You mean help... other than you?" I cringed at the thought of having to relive today's misery with a stranger. "I'm sure you're just as qualified as any Comforter-more so."

"I didn't mean another Comforter." She shifted her weight in the chair and stretched stiffly. "How many friends do you have, Quintessence?"

"You mean people at work? I see a few other teachers almost every day. There are several students I speak to in the halls..."

"Outside of the school?"

I stared at her blankly.

_**It almost feels like high school again. **_Jared commented. _**I was always the anti-social one.**_

"Human hosts need interaction. You're not used to solitude. You shared an entire planet's thoughts -"

"We didn't go out much." My attempt at humor fell flat.

She smiled slightly and went on. "You're struggling so hard with your problem that it's all you can concentrate on. Maybe one answer is to not concentrate quite so hard. You said Jared grows bored during your working hours... that he is more dormant. He is not interested of how peaceful our people are. Perhaps if you developed some peer relationships, those would bore her also."

I pursed my lips thoughtfully. Jared, sluggish from the long day of attempted comfort, did seem rather unenthused by the idea.

Kathy nodded. "Get involved with life rather than with him. It might bore him that he might just vanish."

_**Ha, you wish! **_Jared countered.

"That makes sense." I agree with her.

"And then there are the physical drives these bodies have. I've never seen or heard of their equal. One of the most difficult things we of the first wave had to conquer was the mating instinct. Believe me, the humans noticed when you didn't." She grinned and rolled her eyes at some memory. When I didn't react as she'd expected, she sighed and crossed her arms impatiently. "Oh, come now, Quintessence. You must have noticed."

"Well, of course," I mumbled. Jared groaned as he complained about the long talk Kathy and I were in. "Obviously. I've told you about the dreams..."

"No, I didn't mean just memories. Haven't you come across anyone that your body has responded to in the present-on strictly a chemical level?"

I thought her question through carefully. I have no idea what she was doing. Jared forced for the millionth time to roll his eyes. Apparently, Jared knew what she was talking about. "I don't think so. Not so I've noticed."

"Trust me," Kathy said dryly. "You'd notice." She shook her head. "Perhaps you should open your eyes and look around for that specifically. It might do you a lot of good."

My body recoiled from the thought. I registered Jared's disgust, mirrored by my own. He didn't want this host to interact with another host.

Kathy read my expression. "Don't let him control how you interact with your kind, Quintessence. Don't let him control you. Don't let him choose the choices you are given."

My nostrils flared. I waited a moment to answer, reining in the anger that I'd never quite gotten used to.

"He does not control me. He never has." I gritted my teeth.

Kathy raised an eyebrow.

The anger tightened my throat. "You did not look too far afield for your current partner. Was that choice controlled?"

She ignored my anger and considered the question thoughtfully.

"Perhaps," she finally said. "It's hard to know. But you've made your point." She picked at a string in the hem of her shirt, and then, as if realizing that she was avoiding my gaze, folded her hands resolutely and squared her shoulders. "Who knows how much comes from any given host on any given planet? As I said before, I think time is probably your answer. Whether he grows apathetic and silent gradually, allowing you to make another choice besides this Melanie, or... well, the Seekers are very good. They're already looking for her, and maybe you'll remember something that helps."

I didn't move as her meaning sank in. She didn't seem to notice that I was frozen in place. She meant when the Seekers find Melanie then...

"Perhaps they'll find Jared's love, and then you can be together. If her feelings are as fervent as his, the new soul will probably be amenable."

"No!" I wasn't sure who had shouted. It could have been me. I was full of horror, too.

I was on my feet, shaking. The tears that came so easily were, for once, absent, and my hands trembled in tight fists. Was it Jared who shouted that or mine. I didn't know but it horrified me.

"Quintessence?"

But I turned and ran for the door, fighting the words that could not come out of my mouth. Words that could not be my words. Words that made no sense unless they were him, but they felt like mine. They couldn't be mine. They couldn't be spoken.

_**That will kill her! That's making her cease to exist! I don't want someone else. I want Melanie, my Mel, not a stranger in her body! The body means nothing without her even with the memories. I can't lose her because you've taken me. Do you know how hard it was to find her? You can kiss your ass goodbye because I'm gonna resist you with everything I've got just so that I can keep Melanie safe.**_ Jared ranted.

I heard Kathy calling my name behind me as I ran into the road.

I didn't live far from the Comforter's office, but the darkness in the street disoriented me. I'd gone two blocks before I realized I was running in the wrong direction.

People were looking at me. I wasn't dressed for exercise, and I wasn't jogging, I was fleeing. But no one bothered me; they politely averted their eyes. They would guess that I was new to this host. Acting out the way a child would.

I slowed to a walk, turning north so that I could loop around without passing Kathy's office again.

My walk was only slightly slower than a run. I heard my feet hitting the sidewalk too quickly, as though they were trying to match the tempo of a dance song. Slap, slap, slap against the concrete. No, it wasn't like a drumbeat, it was too angry. Like violence. Slap, slap, slap. Someone hitting someone else. I shuddered away from the horrible image.

I could see the lamp on over my apartment door. It hadn't taken me long to cover the distance. I didn't cross the road, though.

I felt sick. I remembered what it felt like to vomit, though I never had. The cold wetness dewed on my forehead, the hollow sound rang in my ears. I was pretty sure I was about to have that experience for my own.

There was a bank of grass beside the walk. Around a street lamp there was a well-trimmed hedge. I had no time to look for a better place. I stumbled to the light and caught the post to hold myself up. The nausea was making me dizzy.

Yes, I was definitely going to experience throwing up.

"Quintessence To The World, is that you? Quintessence, are you ill?" A voice asked at a distance. That vaguely familiar voice was impossible to concentrate on. But it made things worse, knowing I had an audience as I leaned my face close to the bush and violently choked up my most recent meal.

"Who's your Healer here?" the voice asked. It sounded far away through the buzzing in my ears. A hand touched my arched back. "Do you need an ambulance?"

I coughed twice and shook my head. I was sure it was over; my stomach was empty.

"I'm not ill," I said I as pulled myself upright using the lamp post for support. I looked over to see who was watching my moment of disgrace.

The Seeker from Chicago had her cell phone in her hand, trying to decide which authority to call. I took one good look at her and bent over the leaves again. Empty stomach or not, she was the last person I needed to see right now. She would immediately make a Healer pull me out of Jared's body.

But, as my stomach heaved uselessly, I realized that there would be a reason for her presence. Maybe she's found...

Oh, no! Oh, no no no no no no!

"Why?" I gasped, panic and sickness stealing the volume from my voice. "Why are you here? What's happened?" The Comforter's very uncomforting words pounded in my head.

I stared at the hands gripping the collar of the Seeker's black suit for two seconds before I realized they were mine.

"Stop!" she said, and there was outrage on her face. Her voice rattled.

I was shaking her.

My hands jerked open and landed against my face. "Excuse me!" I huffed. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was doing."

The Seeker scowled at me and smoothed the front of her outfit before addressing me once again. "You're not well, and I suppose I startled you. Maybe we should take you to a Healer." I ignored her suggestion.

"I wasn't expecting to see you," I whispered. "Why are you here?"

"Let's get you to a Healing facility before we speak. If you have a flu, you should get it healed. There's no point in letting it wear your body down."

"I don't have a flu. I'm not ill."

"Did you eat bad food? You must report where you got it." The Seeker almost looked concerned for my health.

Her prying was very annoying. "I did not eat bad food, either. I'm healthy." I shot back at her.

"Why don't you have a Healer check? A quick scan-you shouldn't neglect your host. That's irresponsible. Especially when health care is so easy and effective."

I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to shake her again. She was a full head shorter than I was. It was a fight I would win.

_**Let's hit her and take a run for it. Find Melanie, wherever she is and take you out of me. So I can be with Melanie. **_Jared suggested. He really wanted to beat the life out of her. I almost let him control me but I couldn't let violence over rule me.

A fight? I didn't want to fight. Jared would love to, though. I turned away from her and walked swiftly toward my home. I was dangerously emotional. I needed to calm down before I did something inexcusable.

"Quintessence? Wait! The Healer -"

"I have no need for Healer, Seeker." I said without turning. "That was just... an emotional imbalance. I'm fine now, like I always am."

The Seeker didn't answer. I wondered what she made of my response. I could hear her shoes-high heels-tapping after me, so I left the door open, knowing she would follow me in. I went to the sink and filled a glass with water. She waited silently while I rinsed my mouth and spat. When I was through, I leaned against the counter, staring into the basin.

She was soon bored.

"So, Quintessence... or do you still go by that name? I don't mean to be rude in calling you that. It seems like you are being very... you are acting oddly."

I didn't look at her. "I still go by Quintessence." I assure her.

"Interesting. I pegged you for one that would choose his own."

"I did choose. I chose Quintessence To The World."

It had long been clear to me that the mild spat I'd overheard the first day I woke in the Healing facility was the Seeker's fault. The Seeker was the most confrontational soul I'd come across in nine lives. My first Healer, Fords Deep Waters, had been calm, kind, and wise, even for a soul. Yet he had not been able to help reacting to her. That made me feel better about my own response.

I turned around to face her. She was on my small couch, nestled in comfortably as if for a long visit, like she had owned that couch. Like she owned this place. Her expression was self-satisfied, the bulging eyes amused. I controlled the desire to scowl.

"Why are you here?" I asked again. My voice was a monotone. Restrained. I would not lose control again in front of this woman.

"It's been a while since I heard anything from you, so I thought I would check in personally. We've still made no headway in your case."

My hands clamped down on the edge of the counter behind me, but I kept the wild relief from my voice.

"That seems... overzealous. Besides, I sent you a message a few days ago, didn't I?"

Her eyebrows came together in that way she had, a way that made her look angry and annoyed at the same time, as if you, not she, were responsible for her anger. She pulled out her palm computer and touched the screen a few times.

"Oh," she said stiffly. "I haven't checked my mail. Let's just say I have been pre-occupied and realized that I had to come and investigate your case. A sighting was made, not of your Melanie but another host."

She was quiet as she scanned through what I had written.

"I sent it very early in the morning," I said. "I was half asleep at the time. I'm not sure how much of what I wrote was memory or dream, or sleep-typing, maybe."

I went along with the words-Jared's believable words-as they flowed easily from my mouth; I even added my own light hearted laugh at the end. It was dishonest of me. Shameful behavior. But I would not let the Seeker know that I was weaker than my host.

For once, Jared was not smug at having bested me. He was too relieved, too grateful that I had not, for my own petty reasons, given him away.

"Interesting," the Seeker murmured. "Another one on the loose." She shook her head. "Peace continues to elude us." She did not seem dismayed by the idea of a fragile peace-rather, it seemed to please her.

I bit my lip hard. Jared wanted so badly to make another denial, to claim the Jamie boy was just part of a dream. Don't be stupid, I told him. That would be so obvious. She would think that you are taking over me. It said much for the repellent nature of the Seeker that she could put Jared and me on the same side of an argument.

_**I hate her more than I hate you and that's saying something.**_ Jared's whisper was sharp, painful like a cut.

I know, I know. I wished I could deny that I felt... similarly. Hate was an unforgivable emotion. We, souls, do not hate often. But the Seeker was... very difficult to like. Impossible.

The Seeker interrupted my internal conversation. "So, other than the new location to review, you have no more help for me on the road maps?"

I felt my body react to her critical tone. "I never said they were lines on a road map. That's your assumption. And no, I have nothing else. Perhaps they are a route to somewhere." I suggested.

She clicked her tongue quickly three times. "But you said they were directions."

"That's what I think they are. I'm not getting anything more. The memories seem broken." I lied but she didn't see my lie. Good.

"Why have you not subdued the human yet?" She laughed loudly. Laughing at me.

I turned my back to her and concentrated on calming myself. I tried to pretend that she wasn't there. That I was all alone in my austere kitchen, staring out the window into the little patch of night sky, at the three bright stars I could see through it.

Well, as alone as I ever was.

While I stared at the tiny points of light in the blackness, the lines that I'd seen over and over again-in my dreams and in my broken memories, cropping up at strange, unrelated moments-flashed through my head.

The first: a slow, rough curve, then a sharp turn north, another sharp turn back the other way, twisting back to the north for a longer stretch, and then the abrupt southern decline that flattened out into another shallow curve.

The second: a ragged zigzag, four tight switchbacks, the fifth point strangely blunt, like it was broken...

The third: a smooth wave, interrupted by a sudden spur that swung a thin, long finger out to the north and back.

Incomprehensible, seemingly meaningless. But I knew this was important to Jared. Melanie had shown it to him once. From the very beginning I'd known that. He protected this secret more fiercely than any other, next to the women he loved and her brother. I'd had no idea of the brother's existence before the dream a few night's ago. I wondered what it was that had broken him. Maybe as he grew louder in my head, he would lose more of his secrets to me. Maybe it was a win win situation. He was getting stronger while I got information.

Maybe he would slip up, and I would see what these strange lines meant. Maybe the Seeker would bring me Melanie's host and the Comforter can leave me alone. Everyone can leave me alone. I knew that the lines meant something. That they led somewhere. But what? I had no idea and I'm pretty sure Jared does either. The lines were just shown to him and he didn't bother in looking through them specifically to know where or what it lead to.

And at that moment, with the echo of the Seeker's laugh still hanging in the air, I suddenly realized why they were so important.

They led back to Melanie, of course. Back to both of them, Melanie and Jamie. Back to the only family Jared had left. Where else? What other location could possibly hold any meaning for him? Only now I saw that it was not back, because none of them had ever followed these lines before. Lines that had been as much of a mystery to him as they were to me, until...

The wall was slow to block me. Jared was distracted, paying more attention to the Seeker than I was. He fluttered in my head at a sound behind me, and that was the first I was aware of the Seeker's approach.

The Seeker sighed. "I expected more of you. Your track record seemed so promising."

"It's a pity you weren't free for the assignment yourself or that you committed to this task. You've been looking for the host that is not the one this host is in love with. I'm sure if you'd had to deal with a resistant host, it would have been child's play." I didn't turn to look at her. My voice stayed level.

She sniffed, seeming angry at my comment. "The early waves were challenging enough even without a resistant host."

"Yes. I've experienced a few settlings myself."

The Seeker snorted. "Were the See Weeds very difficult to tame? Did they flee?"

I kept my voice calm. "We had no trouble in the South Pole. Of course, the North was another matter. It was badly mishandled. We lost the entire forest." The sadness of that time echoed behind my words. A thousand sentient beings, closing their eyes forever rather than accept us. They'd curled their leaves from the suns and starved.

_**Good for them,**_ Jared whispered. There was no venom attached to the thought, only approval as he saluted the tragedy in my memory.

It was such a waste. I let the agony of the knowledge, the feel of the dying thoughts that had racked us with our sister forest's pain, wash through my head.

It was death either way.

The Seeker spoke, and I tried to concentrate on just one conversation.

"Yes." Her voice was uncomfortable. "That was poorly executed."

"You can never be too careful when it comes to doling out power. Some aren't as careful as they should be."

She didn't answer, and I heard her move a few steps back. Everyone knew that the misstep behind the mass suicide belonged to the Seekers, who, because the See Weeds couldn't flee, had underestimated their ability to escape. They'd proceeded recklessly, beginning the first settlement before we had adequate numbers in place for a full-scale assimilation. By the time they realized what the See Weeds were capable of, were willing to do, it was too late. The next shipment of hibernating souls was too far away, and before they'd arrived, the northern forest was lost.

I faced the Seeker now, curious to judge the impact of my words. She was impassive, staring at the white nothingness of the bare wall across the room.

"I'm sorry I can't help you further." I said the words firmly, trying to make the dismissal clear. I was ready to have my house to myself again. To ourselves, Jared corrected, I could feel the smirk in his voice in my head. I sighed. He was so full of himself now. How could someone as beautiful as Melanie stay with him for such a long time without losing their mind.

_**Stay away from my girlfriend! **_Jared said, now angry. I was about to roll my eyes at his encounter but remembered that the Seeker was still here in my apartment. "You really shouldn't have troubled yourself to come so far."

"It's the job," the Seeker said, shrugging. "You're my only assignment now. No more interruptions. Until I find the rest of them, I may as well stick close to you and hope I get lucky. I need that information, Quintessence and I need it soon."


	10. Confronted

_**Author's Note: Not much reviews but sorry to say I won't update much after this because school starts tomorrow and I'm going to be really busy with school stuff. Sorry. Enjoy the chapter. Please Review.**_

Disclaimer: I don't own the Host, Stephenie Meyer does.

Chapter 9: Confronted

"Yes, Faces Sunward?" I asked, grateful to the raised hand for interrupting my lecture. I did not feel as comfortable behind the lectern as I usually did. My biggest strength, my only real credential-for my host body had had little in the way of a formal education, on the run since his early adolescence-was the personal experience I usually taught from. This was the first world's history I'd presented this semester for which I had no memories to draw upon. I was sure my students were suffering the difference.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but..." The white-haired man paused, struggling to word his question. "I'm not sure I understand. The Fire-Tasters actually... ingest the smoke from burning the Walking Flowers? Like food?" He tried to suppress the horror in his tone. It was not a soul's place to judge another soul. But I was not surprised, given his background on the Planet of the Flowers, at his strong reaction to the fate of a similar life-form on another world.

It was always amazing to me how some souls buried themselves in the affairs of whichever world they inhabited and ignored the rest of the universe. But, to be fair, perhaps Faces Sunward had been in hibernation when Fire World became notorious.

"Yes, they receive essential nutrients from this smoke. And there lies the fundamental dilemma and the controversy of Fire World-and the reason the planet has not been closed, though there has certainly been adequate time to populate it fully. There is also a high relocation percentage.

"When Fire World was discovered, it was at first thought that the dominant species, the Fire-Tasters, were the only intelligent life-forms present. The Fire-Tasters did not consider the Walking Flowers to be their equals-a cultural prejudice-so it was a while, even after the first wave of settling, before the souls realized they were murdering intelligent creatures. Since then, Fire World scientists have focused their efforts on finding a replacement for the dietary needs of the Fire-Tasters. Spiders are being transported there to help, but the planets are hundreds of light-years apart. When this obstacle is overcome, as it will be soon, I'm sure, there is hope that the Walking Flowers might also be assimilated. In the meantime, much of the brutality has been removed from the equation. The burning-alive portion, of course, and other aspects as well."

"How can they..." Faces Sunward trailed off, unable to finish.

Another voice completed Faces Sunward's thought. "It seems like a very cruel ecosystem. Why was the planet not abandoned?"

_**Boring, **_Jared called out in my head. I mentally told him to shut up.

I sighed as I answered. "That has been debated, naturally, Robert. But we do not abandon planets lightly. There are many souls for whom Fire World is home. They will not be uprooted against their will." I looked away, back at my notes, in an attempt to end the side discussion.

"But it's barbaric!"

Robert was physically younger than most of the other students-closer to my age, in fact, than any other. And truly a child in a more important way. Earth was his first world-the Mother in this case had actually been an Earth-dweller, too, before she'd given herself-and he didn't seem to have as much perspective as older, better-traveled souls. I wondered what it would be like to be born into the overwhelming sensation and emotion of these hosts with no prior experience for balance. It would be difficult to find objectivity. I tried to remember that and be especially patient as I answered him.

"Every world is a unique experience. Unless one has lived on that world, it's impossible to truly understand the -"

"But you never lived on Fire World," he interrupted me. "You must have felt the same way... Unless you had some other reason for skipping that planet? You've been almost everywhere else."

"Choosing a planet is a very personal and private decision, Robert, as you may someday experience." My tone closed the subject absolutely.

_**Why not tell them? You do think it's barbaric-and cruel and wrong. Which is pretty ironic if you ask me-not that you ever do. What's the problem? Are you ashamed that you agree with Robert? Because he's more human than the others? **_Jared asked, becoming very annoying in the lecture.

How was I supposed to concentrate on my work with his complains and opinions sounding off in my head all the time?

In the seat behind Robert, a dark shadow moved.

The Seeker, clad in her usual black, leaned forward, intent for the first time on the subject of discussion.

I resisted the urge to scowl at her. I didn't want Robert, already looking embarrassed, to mistake the expression as meant for him. Jared complained once again. He wished I wouldn't resist. Having the Seeker stalk our every footstep had been educational for Jared; he used to think he couldn't hate anything or anyone more than he hated me but he was wrong. He hated the Seeker more than anything now.

"Our time is almost up," I announced with relief. "I'm pleased to inform you that we will have a guest speaker next Tuesday who will be able to make up for my ignorance on this topic. Flame Tender, a recent addition to our planet, will be here to give us a more personal account of the settling of Fire World. I know that you will give him all the courtesy you accord me, and be respectful of the very young age of his host. Thank you for your time."

The class filed out slowly, many of the students taking a minute to chat with one another as they gathered their things. What Kathy had said about friendships ran through my head, but I felt no desire to join any of them. They were strangers.

Was that the way I felt? Or the way Jared felt? It was hard to tell because it seemed like we were of one now. Having to agree about most things. Maybe I was naturally antisocial or was it just this body. This body was anti-social when Jared had been in high school. My personal history supported that theory, I supposed. I'd never formed an attachment strong enough to keep me on any planet for more than one life.

I noticed Robert and Faces Sunward lingering at the classroom door, locked in a discussion that seemed intense. I could guess the subject.

"Fire World stories ruffle feathers."

I started slightly.

The Seeker was standing at my elbow. The woman usually announced her approach with the quick tap of her hard shoes. I looked down now to see that she was wearing sneakers for once-black, of course. She was even tinier without the extra inches.

"It's not my favorite subject," I said in a bland voice. "I prefer to have firsthand experience to share."

"Strong reactions from the class."

"Yes." I agreed.

She looked at me expectantly, as if waiting for more. I gathered my notes and turned to put them in my bag.

"You seemed to react as well."

I placed my papers in the bag carefully, not turning.

"I wondered why you didn't answer the question."

There was a pause while she waited for me to respond. I didn't.

"So... why didn't you answer the question?"

I turned around, not concealing the impatience on my face. "Because it wasn't pertinent to the lesson, because Robert needs to learn some manners, and because it's no one else's business." I was really annoyed at the bombarded questions.

I swung my bag to my shoulder and headed for the door. She stayed right beside me, rushing to keep up with my longer legs. We walked down the hallway in silence. It wasn't until we were outside, where the afternoon sun lit the dust motes in the salty air, that she spoke again.

"Do you think you'll ever settle, Quintessence? On this planet, maybe? You seem to have an affinity for their... feelings."

I bridled at the implied insult in her tone. I wasn't even sure how she meant to insult me, but it was clear that she did. Jared knew she was trying to. He was also trying to force himself more control, just so he could strangle her.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Tell me something, Quintessence. Do you pity them?"

"Who?" I asked blankly. "The Walking Flowers?"

"Do you pity the humans?" she asked and she seemed so eager for my answer I didn't want to give her.

_**Then, don't, simple as that. **_Jared told me.

I stopped walking, and she skidded to a halt beside me. We were only a few blocks from my apartment, and I'd been hurrying in hopes of getting away from her, though likely as not, she'd invite herself in. But her question caught me off guard.

"The humans?"

"Yes. Do you pity them?"

"Don't you?"

"No. They were quite the brutal race. They were lucky to survive as long as they did."

"Not every one of them was bad." I said, simply.

"It was a predilection of their genetics. Brutality was part of their species. But you pity them, it seems."

"It's a lot to lose, don't you think?" I gestured around us. We stood in a park like space between two ivy-covered dormitories. The deep green of the ivy was pleasing to the eye, especially in contrast to the faded red of the old bricks. The air was golden and soft, and the smell of the ocean gave a briny edge to the honey sweet fragrance of the flowers in the bushes. The breeze caressed the bare skin of my arms. "In your other lives, you can't have felt anything so vivid. Wouldn't you pity anyone who had this taken from them?" Her expression stayed flat, unmoved. I made an attempt to draw her in, to make her consider another viewpoint. "Which other worlds have you lived on?"

She hesitated, then squared her shoulders. "None. I've only lived on Earth."

That surprised me. She was as much a child as Robert. Why did she become a Seeker when she was new to this? To all of this. "Only one planet? And you chose to be a Seeker in your first life?"

She nodded once, her chin set.

"Well. Well, that's your business." I started walking again. Maybe if I respected her privacy, she would return the favor.

"I spoke to your Comforter."

_**And maybe not**_, Jared said, sourly He really hated her. I mean, _really _hated her.

"What?" I gasped.

"I gather you've been having more trouble than just accessing the information I need. Have you considered trying another, more pliable host? She suggested that, did she not?"

"Kathy wouldn't tell you anything!" I protested.

The Seeker's face was smug. "She didn't have to answer. I'm very good at reading human expressions. I could tell when my questions struck a nerve."

"How dare you? The relationship between a soul and their Comforter -"

"Is sacrosanct, yes; I know the theory. But the acceptable means of investigation don't seem to be working with your case. I have to get creative."

"You think I'm keeping something from you?" I demanded, too angry to control the disgust in my voice. "You think I confided that to my Comforter?"

My anger didn't faze her. Perhaps, given her strange personality, she was used to such reactions.

"No. I think you're telling me what you know... But I don't think you're looking as hard as you could. I've seen it before. You're growing sympathetic to your host. You're letting his memories unconsciously direct your own desires. It's probably too late at this point. I think you'd be more comfortable moving on, and maybe someone else will have better luck with him."

"Hah!" I shouted. "Jared would eat them alive! Squish them by all means possible."

Her expression froze in place.

She'd had no idea, no matter what she thought she'd discerned from Kathy. She'd thought Jared's influence was from memories, that it was unconscious.

"I find it very interesting that you speak of him in the present tense." She noted. Jared really wanted to roll his eyes but couldn't.

I ignored that, trying to pretend I hadn't made a slip. "If you think someone else would have better luck breaking into her secrets, you're wrong."

"Only one way to find out."

"Did you have someone in mind?" I asked, my voice frigid with aversion.

She grinned. "I've gotten permission to give it a try. Shouldn't take long. They're going to hold my host for me."

I had to breathe deeply. I was shaking, and Jared was so full of hate that he was past words. Only one word came to his mind at that second.

_**Bitch!**_

The idea of having the Seeker inside me, even though I knew that I would not be here, was so repugnant that I felt a return of last week's nausea. Jared didn't want her in here either or any other soul.

"It's too bad for your investigation that I'm not a skipper."

The Seeker's eyes narrowed. "Well, it does certainly make this assignment drag on. History was never of much interest to me, but it looks like I'm in for a full course now."

"You just said that it was probably too late to get any more from his memories," I reminded her, struggling to make my voice calm. "Why don't you go back to wherever you belong?"

She shrugged and smiled a tight smile. "I'm sure it is too late... for voluntary information. But if you don't cooperate, he might just lead me to them yet."

"Lead you?"

"When he takes full control, and you're no better than that weakling, once Racing Song, now Kevin. Remember him? The one who attacked the Healer?"

I stared at her, eyes wide, nostrils flared.

"Yes, it's probably just a matter of time. Your Comforter didn't tell you the statistics, did she? Well, even if she did, she wouldn't have the latest information that we have access to. The long-term success rate for situations such as yours-once a human host begins to resist-is under twenty percent. Did you have any idea it was so bad? They're changing the information they give potential settlers. There will be no more adult hosts offered. The risks are too great. We're losing souls. It won't be long before he's talking to you, talking through you, controlling your decisions, your actions. Controlling the life you have started to build. All for nothing."

I hadn't moved an inch or relaxed a muscle. The Seeker leaned in, stretched up on her toes to put her face closer to mine. Her voice turned low and smooth in an attempt to sound persuasive.

"Is that what you want, Quintessence? To lose? To fade away, erased by another awareness? To be no better than a host body? I never thought of you as a weakling."

I couldn't breathe. How dare she say does things? I am not WEAK!

"It only gets worse. You won't be you anymore. He'll beat you, and you'll disappear. Maybe someone will intervene... Maybe they'll move you like they did Kevin. And you'll become some child named Jared who likes to tinker with cars rather than compose music. Or whatever it is he does for a living before we had invaded."

"The success rate is under twenty percent?" I whispered.

She nodded, trying to suppress a smile. "You're losing yourself, Quintessence. Your whole being. All the worlds you've seen, all the experiences you've collected-they'll be for nothing."

I wanted to kill her right now. She saw my glare at her.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, her face darkening, too. "That was impolite. Forget I said that."

"I'm going home. Don't follow."

"I have to, Quintessence. It's my job." She said.

"Why do you care so much about a few spare humans? Why? How do you justify your job anymore? We've won! It's time for you to join society and do something productive!"

My questions, my implied accusations, did not ruffle her.

"Wherever the fringes of their world touch ours there is death." She spoke the words peacefully, and for a moment I glimpsed a different person in her face. It surprised me to realize that she deeply believed in what she did. Part of me had supposed that she only chose to seek because she illicitly craved the violence. "If even one soul is lost to your Esther, your Melanie or your Jamie, that is one soul too many. Until there is total peace on this planet, my job will be justified. As long as there are Melanies surviving, I am needed to protect our kind. As long as there are Jareds leading souls around by the nose..."

I turned my back on her and headed for my apartment with long strides that would force her to run if she wanted to keep up.

"Don't lose yourself, Quintessence. Don't lose yourself like Kevin had!" she called after me. "Time is running out for you!" She paused, then shouted more loudly. "Inform me when I'm to start calling you Jared!"

Her voice faded as the space between us grew. I knew she would follow at her own pace. This last uncomfortable week-seeing her face in the back of every class, hearing her footsteps behind me on the sidewalk every day-was nothing compared to what was coming. She was going to make my life a misery.

It felt as if Jared were bouncing violently against the inner walls of my skull.

_**Let's get her canned. Tell her higher-ups that she did something unacceptable. **_Jared started to suggest. _**Assaulted us. It's our word against hers -**_

In a human world, I reminded him, almost sad that I didn't have access to that sort of recourse. There are no higher-ups, in that sense. Everyone works together as equals. There are those whom many report to, in order to keep the information organized, and councils who make decisions about that information, but they won't remove her from an assignment she wants. You see, it works like -

_**Who cares how it works if it doesn't help us? I know-let's kill her! A gratuitous image of my hands tightening around the Seeker's neck filled my head. **_Jared has said this many times but this time he actually meant killing her. Determined.

That sort of thing is exactly why my kind is better left in charge of this place.

_**Get off your high horse. You'd enjoy it as much as I would.**_ I could hear his smirked voice in my head. The image returned, the Seeker's face turning blue in our imagination, but this time it was accompanied by a fierce wave of pleasure.

That's you, not me. My statement was true; the image sickened me. But it was also perilously close to false-in that I would very much enjoy never seeing the Seeker again.

What do we do now? I'm not giving up. You're not giving up. And that wretched Seeker is sure as hell not giving up! You know what, let's ditch this place. Pack a duffel bag with food and water, escape in the crack of dawn then find Melanie and Jamie.

I didn't answer him. I didn't have a ready answer. He was being ridiculous. Why would I do that, anyway?

It was quiet in my head for a brief moment. That was nice. I wished the silence could last. But there was only one way to buy my peace. Was I willing to pay the price? Did I have a choice anymore?

Jared slowly calmed. By the time I was through the front door, locking behind me the bolts that I had never before turned-human artifacts that had no place in a peaceful world-his thoughts were contemplative.

I turned on my computer and began to look for shuttle flights. It was a moment before he was aware of what I was doing.

Where are we going? The thought held a flicker of panic. I felt his awareness begin to rifle through my head, his touch like the soft brush of feathers, searching for anything I might be keeping from him.

I decided to save him the search. I'm going to Chicago.

The panic was more than a flicker now. Why?

I'm going to see the Healer. I don't trust her. I want to talk to him before I make my decision.

There was a brief silence before Jared spoke again.

The decision to kill me?

Yes, that one.

Okay, I'm ready. But I'm blaming you for risking Melanie and Jamie's life.


End file.
